Don't Forget About the Roses

Becoming a Pro

Week Two

After that first week, my nausea started to get really bad. I could barely keep anything down. It was nice to have both of the girls with me. My two special little cheerleaders.

My first round of chemo, what the nurses called my induction, was supposed to be one month inpatient, then a few days in isolation.

The nausea seemed to come and go, but with the girls by my side, I felt kind of invincible. I had become somewhat of a pro at getting through each treatment smoothly.

"Iz, why don't you go take Gracie down to the cafeteria and get some food?" I knew she didn't want to, but she did it anything. I could tell they were both getting a little anxious and claustrophobic.

Once I had the room to myself, I let the tears fall. I'd been holding them in for a long time, to the point where I thought the tightness in my throat might suffocate me. But I couldn't let the girls see that. Even surrounded by so much impending death as they were, I don't think I could have explained to them how much fear I felt. Constantly afraid of what I couldn't completely understand or control.

So I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding and tried to calm myself. To steady the hands that had until now just begun to shake. The girls would be back soon and I didn't want to give them any more to worry about than they already had.

In the time since I'd been gone, Mrs. Rose had gotten worse. The doctors didn't know how long she would have, not that they had ever really known. And those poor girls were so worried. I could see it in their faces and the way they held themselves. In the way their muscles strained even when they were sitting back in a chair. Their mom was sick and they weren't be with her, couldn't be.

Mrs. Rose was in Massachusetts at a hospital with experience in treating diseases like hers. Mr. Rose was there too, so the girls had been staying with with there Aunt in the next town over.

Just then, Isobel and Gracie walked back into my room. "We brought you some jello," Gracie beamed, presenting me with the little plastic cup.

The girls Aunt was next to walk in the room. "Alright girls, I think that's enough for today. It's time to give Lauren a chance to rest." The girls obeyed easily, following their Aunt out of the room without any protest.

And I was asleep within a few minutes. Completely dead to world.