What should I do? ♪Bojan x Käärijä♪

14. crying

TW: panick attacks (poorly written)

Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Deep- oh fuck this.

There was nothing left for Jere but to panic. He could calm down with breathing exercises, he couldn't calm down talking with Mikke, Aino or any of the dancers, he just couldn't. His mind was racing, his chest heavy like an elephant was stepping onto it and his heart racing like he just ran for an hour.

"Jere, Jere please, calm down. Everything is going to be fine." everyone was saying.

Meanwhile all Jere wanted and could do was shake, sit on the floor and sob. He couldn't even stand up without being to weak and falling back down. He was scared and frustrated and stressed.

Mi bomo celo noč plesali...

The ringtone of his phone went off. Yes, he set it as Carpe Diem. At first he didn't want to check it, but something, a little voice in his mind said, that it could relieve his stress.

"Hi!" Bojan's voice was all cute and happy (he'd forgotten about his small fight with the bandmates already).
"H-hi, hi Bo-jan." he could barely speak normally.
"Jere? Are you okay?" Bojan heard that he was crying.
"N-no..."
"What's going on?" he was concerned.
"I-i... Don't know. Can you come here?"
"Where are you?"
"Back, backstage." he cried out.
"I'll be right the-." he ended the call before he finished the sentence.

It wasn't even 5 minutes when Bojan arrived there. He was stopped by security at the entrance.

"It's me. Bojan. The singer of Joker out? I need to get to my boyfriend," he just realized what he said "my friend. He's in there."
The security let him in without a word, only some weird looks.

"Jere..." he sighed when he was standing 30 meters from his boyfriend, crying in the corner of the halway.
"Jere." he said making himself start to run towards him.
"Jere!" he shouted to tell Jere that he arrived.

Jere looked up and if you looked hard enough you could see a tiny smile on his face before it all crashed again. He felt guilty that he was crying when he should've been happy that his boyfriend arrived.

Bojan sat down in front of him, pulling him closer. He gave him a kiss on his forehead.
"Shhh... You don't have to tell me anything, I get it... I'm a shoulder to cry on." Bojan said and deepened the hug.

They were just sitting there, hugging and after some time Bojan could hear Jere's breathing slow down and his sobs quiet down. He was giving Jere occasional kisses to calm him down.

Bojan figured it was Jere's first panic attack. That must've felt horrible. He remembered his first one and it hurt to even think about it. He used to have them very commonly, some being only a day apart. He learnt how to control his panick lately, but seeing his boyfriend go through the same thing was just as horrible as experiencing it.

After he noticed Jere was calm enough he decided to let go just a tiny bit so he could talk to him.
"Hey, are you better?"
"Y-yes. Thank you, Bojan." Jere wiped his tears off his face.
"Of course. You can always talk to me." Bojan ran his hand through Jere's hair.

Bojan helped the Finn get up.
"Do you want to go back to everyone else now?"
"I don't know. I have but I don't know what they say."
"Don't worry. I'll be there with you." and with those words, Jere agreed so they went back to Jere's assistants.

"Wait, Bojan? What are you doing here?" he could hear one of the dancers asking.
"I, I'm here to help Jere. He was having a panick attack and he called me."
"Oh I'm glad he's better now. He was panicking so much and we tried to talk to him but I don't think it helped. Thank you." Etel hugged Bojan.
"Don't worry about it. I have experience with panick attacks so I am more than glad to help ... him." Bojan almost said 'my boyfriend' but he reminded himself that he shouldn't out Jere.

"I think I can work now. Thank you Bojan." Jere said.
"No problem." he smiled back.
"I love you." the black haired whispered when they hugged.
"I love you too."