Longing

03/2033

PHOTO

Photo (1)

Photo of Ayrton. An elbow on the table and one hand on chin, not smiling.

Photo (2)

Photo of Erasme, a little younger. An elbow on the table and one hand on chin, not smiling.

Fr. Pocholo once told me that the reason why I agreed to become your somewhat babysitter was because of your striking resemblance to Erasme. And I couldn't rebut then because truthfully, you really do look like her. Nahanap ko itong picture ng Mama mo sa cellphone ko. This was taken a few months after we started dating. Malapit na siya mairita diyan dahil wala pa 'yong order namin.

At sa picture mo na 'to, malapit ka na rin mairita kasi hindi pala spicy 'yong manok na binigay sa atin.

Not only do you look a lot like your mama-but you also share the same mannerisms, likes, and dislikes as her, too. You are so much alike that whenever I look at you, I feel like time warps me back to those days when I would list down the things your mama hates because I was so damn afraid of disappointing her; of making her sad.

You can't eat chicken if it's not spicy, you hate paper straws, and you pout like a duck (even though you hate ducks) when something disappoints or annoys you. You share the same love for cats to the point that you want to adopt every stray that we encounter. You like your water cold. You hate hot water. You would even demand me to look for ice when your drink isn't cold enough to your liking. You're not afraid to tell me that you do not like something. You're never ashamed to tell the world what makes you happy.

And you started calling me Kuya Moey a few days ago.

So maybe... it's that. Maybe the reason why I'm around you far more often than usual is because you remind me so much of the days when I was at my happiest, and not because you know something that you shouldn't - and I'm very much afraid that you'd spill the truth out anytime.

Maybe it's really just that.

Or maybe... it's because even after everything, I still love your mother.

Very very very very very very very very much so.

And I know that even with this much love... even if I beg... even if I tell her that there's nothing to worry about, she'll never take me back anymore.

So I'll just content myself with this.