The Madness Of Love | The Secret History

XIV

On the way to North Hampden I had so many questions spinning in my head for the both of them, but I kept my mouth shut until we got there.

"Francis isn't here, I'm sure" said Lilith as she unlocked the front door.
"Where is he?" I asked.
"With Bunny. He took him to Manchester for dinner and then I think to some movie that Bunny wanted to see. Would you like some coffee?" asked Henry.

Their apartment was in an ugly 1970s building owned by the college. It was roomier and more private than the old oak-floored houses we lived in on campus; as a trade-off there were linoleum floors, ill-lit halls, and cheap, modern fixtures.

Neither Francis nor Lilith seemed to mind it much. They had their own furniture there, brought out from the country house, but apparently they'd chosen it carelessly and it was an atrocious mix of styles, upholstery, light and dark woods.

A search revealed that they didn't have any coffee or tea ("You really need to go to the grocery store" said Henry to Lilith, looking over my shoulder into yet another barren cabinet), only a few bottles of Scotch and some Vichy water.

I got some ice and some glasses and we took a fifth of Famous Grouse with us into the shadowy living room, our shoes clicking across the ghastly wilderness of white linoleum. The living room, like every other room in that apartment, was incredibly messy. There were dirty plates and glasses, orange peels and empty bottles scattered everywhere.

"So you didn't go" I said, after we'd sat down and Henry poured each of us a glass.
"No." "Why not?"

Henry sighed, and reached into his breast pocket for a cigarette. Lilith got a cigarette for herself too, lit it and passed the lighter to Henry.

"Money" he said. "I don't have a trust like Francis, only a monthly allowance. It's much more than I generally need to live on, and for years I've put most of it into a savings account. But Bunny's just about cleaned that out. There was no way I could put my hands on more than thirty thousand dollars, even if I sold my car."

"Thirty thousand dollars is a lot of money."
"Yes."
"Why would you need that much?"

Lilith, looking at Henry, blew a smoke ring half into the yellowy circle of light beneath the lamp, half into the surrounding dark.

"Because we weren't coming back" Henry said. "None of us have work visas. Whatever we took would've had to last the four of us for a long time."

He kept talking, but I moved my gaze to Lilith. She looked divine. Her head turned to look at Henry, how she inhaled and exhaled smoke. I never noticed she was that beautiful. She reminded me of Hecate, only with blue eyes.

Henry was still talking and I turned my attention back to him: "So there we were, with our suitcases packed and passports ready, but no money. I mean, literally none. Between the four of us we had hardly five thousand dollars. There was quite a bit of discussion, but in the end we decided our only choice was to come back to Hampden. For the time being, at least."

He said this all quite calmly but I, listening to him, felt a lump growing in the pit of my stomach. The picture was still wholly obscure, but what I saw of it I didn't like at all.

I said nothing for a long time, only looked at the shadows the lamp cast on the ceiling.
"Henry, my God" I said at last. My voice was flat and strange even to my own ears.
He raised an eyebrow and said nothing, empty glass in hand, face half in shadow.

I looked at him. "My God" I said. "What have you done?" He smiled wryly, and leaned forward out of the light and poured himself and Lilith more scotch. Her attention was on me now.

"I think you already have a pretty good idea" he said. "Now let me ask you something. Why have you been covering up for us?" "What?" "You knew we were leaving the country. You knew it all the time and you didn't tell a soul. Why is that?"