The Madness Of Love | The Secret History

XXXII

Forgive me

I fell asleep on the couch, when, not a whole lot later, Francis shook me up. "Richard, you've got to wake up. Charles is gone." I sat up. "But where could he go?"
"I don't know. He's not in the house."

We looked for him everywhere: the Farmer's Inn, the Villager, the Notch, we even drove to the campus, to the library. Finally, we decided to drive by the Albemarle. Henry's and Lilith's cars were parked out front.

We went upstairs to 3A. Lilith let us in. She and Henry were eating dinner - lamb chops, bottle of burgundy, a red rose in a bud vase. Henry was not pleased to see us. "What can I do for you?" he said, putting down his fork.

"It's Charles." said Francis. "He's gone AWOL." I sat down beside Lilith. I was hungry and her lamb chops looked pretty good. She saw me looking at them and with a small smile pushed the plate to me, distractedly. "Here, have some."

Suddenly there was a loud, frenetic banging at the door. We looked at one another. It was Charles, with Camilla following him. Charles stood in the doorway and it was a moment before I realised he had a gun.

At last Lilith said, in a slightly higher than usual, but a fairly steady voice: "Charles, what do you think you are doing?" He didn't answer.
"So you've come to kill me?" said Henry. He was still holding a cigarette. He was remarkably composed. "Is that it?"

"Yes."
"If you want to shoot me, go ahead and do it. It'll be the stupidest thing you ever did in your life."
What happened next took place in an instant. Charles raised his arm and Francis, who was standing closest to him, threw a glass of wine in his face.

There were four pops. With the second pop, I heard a windowpane shatter. And with the third I was conscious of a stinging, warm sensation in my abdomen.

Henry was holding Charles's arm above his head; Charles was struggling to get the gun, but Henry twisted it from his wrist and it dropped. Charles dove for it but Henry was too quick.

I was still standing. I'm shot, I thought. Blood.
Henry had the gun. He twisted Charles's arm behind his back. Henry slapped him across the face with his open hand.

Awkwardly - he was holding the gun in his good hand - Henry reached up and took off his spectacles and rubbed them on the front of his shirt. I heard some kind of commotion downstairs.

"Do you think anybody heard?" Francis said, anxiously.
"I should think they did." Henry said.
"What are we going to do about this window?" said Lilith.
"What are we going to do about me?" I said.

"He shot me." Somehow, this remark did not elicit the dramatic response I expected. Before I had the chance to elaborate somebody banged at the door. "What's going on in there?" I recognised the innkeeper's voice. "What's happening?"

Charles, drunkenly, mumbled something and tried to raise his head. Henry bit his lip. He went to the window and looked out the corner of the shade. Then he turned around. He still had the pistol.

"Come here," he said to Lilith. She looked at him in horror. So did Francis, and I, and Camilla. He beckoned to her with his gun arm. "Come here," he said again. "Quick."

Lilith looked at him strangely. "No, Henry," she said, "don't..."
To my surprise, he smiled at her. "You'd think I'd hurt you?" he said. "Come here."
She went to him. He kissed her between the eyes and then her lips, then whispered something - what, I've always wondered - in her ear.

"I've got a key," the innkeeper yelled, pounding at the door. "I'll use it." The room was swinging. Idiot, I thought, just try the knob.

Henry kissed Lilith again, longer this time. "I love you. More than anything." he said. Then he said, out loud: "Come in."
The door flew open. Henry raised his arm with the gun. For a moment I thought that he was going to shoot the innkeeper, but then I heard Lilith scream, "No, Henry!" and, too late, I realised what he was going to do.

He put the pistol to his temple and fired, twice. Two flat cracks. It was the kick of the gun, I think, that triggered the second shot. "Henry!" Lilith screamed again, but he couldn't hear her anymore.

His mouth fell open. Lilith jumped to him, but Francis grabbed her waist and pulled her back, and she sunk down in his arms to the floor, crying. Henry, his eyes squeezed tight, and his knees giving way beneath him, fell with a thud to the carpet. The last thing I remember was Lilith's sobbing while she clutched on Francis's back.

Please don't hate me for killing Henry. I promise, everything is going to turn out great in the end x
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