The Madness Of Love | The Secret History

XXIII

When I awoke, a blanket had been thrown over me, and the room was blue with a cold dawn light. Francis and Lilith, back from the dinner with Corcorans, sat in the windowsill facing each other.

They were both wearing their clothes from the night before and eating maraschino cherries from a jar balanced on Francis's knee.
I sat up. "What time is it?"
"Six." Francis said without turning to me, his mouth full.

"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"We didn't get in until four-thirty. We were both too drunk to drive you home. Want a cherry?" he offered the jar to me.

They both looked still drunk. Francis's collar was open, his voice was flat and toneless; Lilith's clothes were disordered, her gaze blank.

"Where were you all night?"
"With the Corcorans."
"Not drinking."
"Of course. They were still going at it when we left."
"Where are they staying?"
"I don't know." he said dully. "Terrible place. One of those big motels with a neon sign."

Lilith scoffed. Francis continued, laughing: "I think I could get through anything after last night. Survive a nuclear war. Fly a plane. Somebody got my favorite scarf off the bed and wrapped up part of a chicken leg in it. That nice silk one. It's just ruined."

"Were they upset?" I said.
"The Corcorans? Of course not. I don't think they even noticed."
"I don't mean about the scarf."
Lilith chuckled and got another cherry from a jar. "They were all upset, I suppose, in a way. Nobody talked much."

"Was Marion there?"
"Yes, and Cloke too." answered Francis. "Henry, I, and Lilith sat on the radiator all night and talked to Mr Corcoran. Camilla went over to say hello to Hugh and his wife and hot trapped. I don't even know what happened to Charles."

After a moment Francis shook his head. "Does it ever strike you, in a horrible sort of way, how funny this is?"
"Well, it's all that funny really."
"Oh but it is.' said Lilith, lighting a cigarette.

For some time I had been staring at the jar of cherries without realising fully what they were.
"Why are you eating those?" I said.
"I don't know." Lilith said, staring down at the jar and passing the cigarette to Francis. "They taste really bad.'

"Throw them away."
Francis shrugged and struggled with the window sash. It sailed up with a grinding noise. He threw away the jar out the window, it crashed down, and the cherry juice left a splattered red trajectory on the snow.

"Kind of a Jean Cocteau touch, isn't it?" Francis said. "I'm exhausted. If you don't mind, I'm going to have a bath now."

------------------

He was running the water and I was talking with Lilith before going out when the phone rang. Lilith never answered phones so I did it. It was Henry. "Oh" he said. "I'm sorry. I thought I dialed Francis."

"You did. Hold on a second." I put down the phone and called for him. Lilith looked at me curiously. Francis came in in his trousers and undershirt, a razor in his hand.

"Who is it?"
"Henry."
"Tell him I'm in the bath."
"He's in the bath." I said to Henry.
"

He is not in the bath." said Henry. "He is standing in the room with you. And so is Lilith, so tell her that she wouldn't even try to come up with an excuse."

"I would never." said Lilith (her hearing was surprisingly great, even though she always listened to loud music). At first Henry didn't say anything, but somehow it seemed to me that he smiled.

"Give her the phone." said Henry. I gave Lilith the phone. I could hear Henry talking indistinctly. Her face at first softened, but after a moment her eyes widened.

"Oh no." she said. "You've got to be kidding me. Not us."
Henry's voice again, more curt and business-like.
"No. I mean it, Henry. We're tired and we're going to sleep and there is no way - "

Suddenly, her face changed. "You know that I hate you, right?" said Lilith. I didn't hear what exactly Henry answered, but it seemed very much like 'I love you'. Lilith scoffed with a smile and slammed down the receiver.

"What is it?" Francis asked.
"He wants us to go out with that damn search party again. Now."
"Now?" I asked. "But it's so early."
"It started an hour ago, so he says." said Lilith.
"Damn him." Francis cursed loudly. "Doesn't he ever sleep?"

-------------------

Unbelievably, things had escalated even more during the night. There were now hundreds of people: people in uniforms, people with dogs and cameras, people buying sweet rolls from the concessions truck.

We found Henry on the front porch of Commons. He was reading, with absorbed interest. The twins were sprawled on a bench like a couple of teenagers, passing a cup of coffee back and forth.

Francis half nudged, half kicked the toe of Henry's shoe. Lilith hit Francis with her elbow. Henry started. "Oh." he said. "Good morning."
Lilith scoffed again, but didn't say anything, so Francis talked for her.

"How can you even say that? I haven't had a wink of sleep and I haven't eaten in about three days."
Henry marked his place with a ribbon and slipped the book in his pocket. "Well, go get a doughnut, then."

"I don't have any money."
"I'll give you the money, then."
"I don't want a goddamn doughnut."
Lilith looked at Francis sweetly and moved closer to Henry. Henry, still sitting, wrapped his arm around her waist.

--------------------

The day passed like a dream. Voices, dogs barking, the whap of helicopter overhead. When the ground rose several hours later, we came up on the rear of another, smaller party. In it were some people I was surprised and touched to see.

"Look." said Charles. "That's not Julian, is it?"
"Surely not." said Henry.
But it was. Rather characteristically, he pretended not to see us until we were so close it was impossible for him to ignore us. He was listening to a tiny lady whom I knew to be a housekeeper.

"Goodness." he said to us. "Where did you come from? Do you know Mrs O'Rourke?"
"Well, I do." said Charles. "You haven't forgotten me, have you?"
"Sure," she said. "I remember you. You were the one always running off with my broom."

During the exchange Henry, Julian, and, surprisingly, Lilith were talking softly.
"You should've told me before now." I heard Julian say.
"We did tell you." said Lilith.

"Well, I certainly hope that nothing has happened to him." said Julian. "Have you seen his family?"
"Not today." said Henry.
"Of course, of course." said Julian hastily. He disliked the Corcorans. "I haven't seen them either. This morning I did run into the father though, quite by accident."

Henry cleared his throat. "Did you talk to him?"
"Only for a moment. Edmund looks a great deal like him, doesn't he?"
Nobody answered.

Francis started from his morose silence. "Are you leaving now?" he asked Julian anxiously. "Do you want me to drive you?"
This was a blatant attempt to escape. Henry's nostrils flared and Lilith held his hand a bit stronger.

"No, thank you." said Julian. He was looking over the hills and though his voice was anxious there was a strange dreamy look on his face. The business had upset him, but I knew that there was something about the operatic sweep of the search which didn't fail to appeal to him, and that he was pleased with the aesthetics of the thing.

Henry and Lilith saw it too. "Like something from Tolstoy, isn't it? Henry remarked. Julian looked over to them: Lilith with her head on Henry's shoulder and holding onto his arm, Henry's arm tightly around her waist, and I saw that there was delight on Julian's face.
"Yes," he said. "Isn't it, though?"

This was quite boring, but at least I'm writing again. Terribly sorry for being absent, I think (I hope, actually) that I'm going to start writing more now.
Love you, thank you for waiting for so long x.
(Not proofread)