You make promises and you do not remember,
But how do I tell you that my love is forever.
When Kim realised he fell in love with his cousin, he knew it was so wrong. So he tried the best thing. He hid his feelings. But the more he denied his feelings the more they grew.
He dived deep into the endless pit called love. He woke up one day, looking at Vegas he suddenly understood all the strange feelings he had gone through these past few months. The sudden desire to own someone, the jealousy, the fast beating of his heart, to be with each other and all those sleepless nights.
He'd fallen in love without knowing how or when or where. With a person beyond his reach, it would be an unrequited love.
Kim was a confident person. He never knew loving someone can make you weak and doubt oneself. But love is like that; he went through all the emotions he blushed, got jealous, got happy, got sad, got mad yes Vegas had brought out many emotions within him.
It was a routine, for Kim and Vegas. They met at their usual spot in one of the empty classrooms, few blocks away from the main building.
Kim and Vegas were sitting silently, side by side, Vegas reading whatever book it was, Kim was strumming his guitar trying to come up with a tune.
But his head was occupied with all other kind of thoughts, like how Vegas hand had caressed his while passing him water, or how nice he smelt from this close, how their shoulders were brushing from time to time, how Vegas would grunt here and there while being super focused. He was hyperconscious.
Anyone could see it coming. The feelings Kim had for Vegas was not only because, Vegas was there when he went through a tough time. But because Vegas had remembered every little thing about Kim, like how he enjoyed his morning tea without sugar just bland, how Kim did not like sushi, how he could not eat spicy food, how much he liked Radiohead, Guns n Roses, Mariah Carey and played him the songs when they were secretly driving around.
It was so much more. Kim cannot compile everything, but he knew, Vegas pretty much knew all the things about him. He understood Kim.
He made Kim feel seen, heard and understood in the loudest way by being there for him.
Now sitting shoulder to shoulder, Kim realised that this love was a curse. Those feelings, he can do nothing about it. He can never express them. As Vegas would be disgusted by it and that would also mean he should say farewell to his friendship with Vegas forever.
So he did it. Hid it so well. It had been three summers; his love grew from bad to worse, hoping with an open heart he can show Vegas how much he wished they'd become lovers.
Now Kim was all alone. He wished he could have acted upon his feelings when he had Vegas with him. But how can one in love be brave, people in love are cowards. He cried himself to sleep that night, night after night. Life has become mundane.
He was angry at himself, at Vegas for not trying to reach out to him, his father, everyone. He became inexpressive, cold.
He wanted to find Vegas slap him, at the same time hold him tight. He wanted to cry, wanted to tell Vegas how much he had missed him, how much feelings he has for him, ask him to return.
He had no way of knowing about how Vegas was doing, so he always asked Macau about Vegas. One fine day he had asked Macau to come to the major family compound. And asked him to talk with Vegas, so that he could also speak to him.
So when the call connected, Vegas spoke first.
"Macau, why are you calling me at this time? Did something happen?"
After so many days hearing Vegas voice made Kim be in tears.
"Vegas..." the line went silent, Vegas went quiet after hearing Kim's voice.
"Vegas I swear if you end the call, I will find you, wherever you are and kill you. Why did you do this Vegas? What did I do wrong? You could have atleast informed me that you were pulling back from school and moving abroad for studying, right. Why are you silent idiot. Talk something." Still Vegas did not say anything, Kim started sobbing.
"Vegas, I miss you. I miss how we sat together in those empty classrooms, doing our own stuff.
I miss how we would laugh together at my lame jokes.
How you would take me to the nearby hotpot shop and ask the shop aunty to make it less spicy. You know I went there recently, she asked about you? She asked me why I was there alone.
I miss everything we had.
I miss you.
I'm sorry for what happened to your mother, I'm sorry I can't do anything now, I'm sorry for whatever you are going through right now, but please do not cut me off. Vegas come back to me."
"I'm sorry, Kim. I'm sorry." , was all Vegas said and then he ended the call.
