19. frustration

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Y/N POV:

It's been a couple weeks since I've acquired the job as New Jeans' manager. I'd be lying if I said I'm completely fine. It's been insanely tiring lately due to their upcoming debut, having to go through meeting after meeting, make sure the girls are following their schedules, going over paper work, watching their finances, I can slowly feel it taking it's toll on me. 

I've also noticed a difference regarding my relationship with Haerin. She's been awfully quiet recently.

I decide to go for a stroll. I need to clear my mind for a bit.

Not even 5 minutes into the walk, I finally let it all out.

I mean who wouldn't feel the built up stress that seems to have no decline? At the end of the day, I'm a kid, it's only natural for me to feel this way.

"Y/N?" 

I thought it'd be way too late for someone to be out, but I hear a familiar voice behind me. I turn around.

"Minji? What are you doing out so late?"

"I could ask you the same" she replies as she softly smiles

I could see the tiredness in her eyes, just seeing that hurts me deep inside.

"I just needed to let my mind calm down, how about you?" I ask

"I don't know... I just feel so tired. I thought a simple walk could help and fortunately it's sort of working." I was going to speak up, but she cuts me off.

"I'll be okay Y/N, I'll take care of the others, but I'm mainly worried about Haerin." what?

"What's up with Haerin?"

"I'm happy she's been able to express her emotions a lot more now, but I've been noticing her conceal her frustration recently. I can tell she's stressed as well but she doesn't want to talk about it like the others, simply covering it up with a smile."

I couldn't help but feel hurt from this info. I was so focused on work and how I was feeling to the point where I completely forgot how the girls felt as well. I wasn't attentive enough to how they were feeling.

"I'm so sorry Minj-" She cuts me off and chuckles

"I knew you were going to apologize Y/N, don't worry about it! You're equally as busy as us." I feel a lot better as she smiles

"Just check up on Haerin for me okay? It's kind of hard to talk to her nowadays. I'm concerned." She ends off, I nod.

"Okay Minji, let's go back?"

"Sure!" We head back.

Honestly, I really have to give it to Minji, how does she do it? These girls are around the same age as me, but they're so incredibly mature and responsible. 

Thanks to Minji, I could feel some frustration leaving my system. I take a deep breath in and out and feel a lot better.

Just before we enter our dorms, I call out Minji's name

"Hey Minji"

"Yea?"

"Thank you, take care of yourself as well okay? I'll be here if ever" She smiles and gives me a small hug

"Of course Y/N, I'll let you know. Rest well!" She heads into her dorm.

Thankfully tomorrow isn't very packed, just a little bit of practice with one of their songs and they can call it a day. I'll talk to Haerin afterwards.

Haerin POV:

"Okay? Just continue to go over that part and everything should be complete! Good job girls, you're all dismissed" Our vocal trainer lets us go, I can finally collapse on my bed.

Just as we're heading to our dorm, I get a message from Y/N

"Come visit my dorm for a bit, I want to talk" Just a simple message from Y/N helps me forget all the stress I've been keeping in. I don't want to burden the others, so maybe keeping it in will do the trick. 

I knock on Y/N and he answers after a couple seconds.

"Y/N!" I quickly hug him, all I wanted was his comfort.

"Hey Haerin! How was practice" 

"It was pretty good, just a little bit more refining and we should have 'Hurt' finished."

"Good job Haerin" He smiles pats my head

"Chill by the couch for a bit, I'll make you a hot choco"

"Okay!" I let go of the hug and patiently wait for him to come back.

After a couple minutes, he comes back with a cute mug and hands it to me. I take a quick sip of the hot choco and exclaim at the yummy taste. Just as I continue to drink my hot choco, Y/N asks me something

"Haerin, can I ask you something?"

"Hm? What's up"

"Are you okay?" 

I quietly repeat the words "Are you okay", was I?

"Yeah, why?" Just then, he puts the mug on the table and holds my hands.

"I need you to be honest with me Haerin, is there anything wrong"

"I'm fine Y/N" I won't lie, I'm starting to get a little bit annoyed from the constant questions.

"Haerin please just-"

"I'm fine Y/N" 

"Haerin-"

"I SAID I'M FINE" Y/N just looks at me in concern

"STOP ASKING THE SAME QUESTION, I SAID I'M OKAY!" I instantly realized what I did, I got mad and yelled at him.

I let my emotions take over, and because of that I dashed out his dorm. I needed to run somewhere, I don't care where, I just can't do this anymore.

I'm tired, is this really what trainees have to go through just to achieve their dreams?

I really couldn't handle it anymore, I'm now a crying mess running off to who knows where.

"HAERIN!" I hear Y/N yelling behind me. I can't face him after that so I continue to go my way.

I don't understand why I'm feeling this way, I understand the pent up stress was bound to have some kind of toll on me, but I wouldn't have ever expected to be running off like this. This is so childish... What am I doing. Was I really bottling up that much? I can't help but begin to regret everything. I could've just talked to him properly.

I suddenly realized, I'm standing in the middle of a crosswalk at a red light. Fuck. 

"H-HAERIN!" Just then, I feel a strong push and fall down near the sidewalk.

Y-Y/N..?

wait no-

CRASH

________________

uh oh


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