In the Silence

6

Freya Astor

I get up in the morning and hardly bother with anything. I dont care that my bed is messy or that my cupboard is worse than diving into a rabbit hole. I wake up tired and by the time I get back from lessons I will have fallen back into bed immediately.

I take a quick shower and braid my hair quickly. Grabbing my unpacked bag I march past the kitchen. The food Dane made yesterday is set in neat containers on the counter, and it makes me wonder when he even had time to prepare it. I have half a mind to ignore it- and the sudden warmth in my stomach, for that matter- but I spot a single box literally with my name on a post-it note on it. I snort at the little drawing of a rose in the corner and stuff the box into my bag.

I definitely dont take note on, for who for such a skilled artist, the penmanship of my name, that it seems heavy and jagged in comparison. And I certainly ignore sweet gesture of the rose drawing.

Quickly switching my demeanour out of the corner of my eye I see Dane step out of his bathroom. The door to his room is wide open and I can see inside even if I didn't intend to.

The insufferable boy is a fucking greek god. Sculpted by mastered hands in all the right places. A single towel hangs low on his hips. Dangerously low. I suck in a breath and in that moment Dane's head whips up and he finally notices me.

Any resolve and facade I had been wearing shatters momentarily. Torturing green eyes meet mine and Dane yelps in surprise. In an effort to hide his body he yanks his towel up and over his chest only to drop it in the process. Yes, successfully flashing me.

The sight of him has me frozen in place. Scrawny little Cotton Ball isn't as scrawny as he was ten years ago. Appreciatively and, mind you, quite shamelessly I whistle lowly as the werewolf finally gets a grip on his towel and darts back into the bathroom. I laugh loudly. "Cotton ball is a man now!"

Yet as I leave the building I feel a hunger. Something I haven't felt in a long time.

The air is colder than it usually is as the year drifts towards the end of autumn and it only reminds me of the exams and projects that I have to do and present at the end of the year. And that only reminds me of a certain someone I have been paired with. A little cotton ball. Taking out a musli bar I chew angrily.

I shake my head and groan in frustration. And little gasp sounds from beside me, a grandma sits on a bench of a busstop. "What?" I growl at her as my fangs grew because my wolf is coming to the surface. I don't wait for her answer and stomp away into the university. Hushed voices meet my ears and I ignore all of them.

Head high and running on damned hormones I walk into the an empty classroom and with nothing better to do other than wait for at least another couple of hours until my classes starts I beging to work on an assignment. But my thoughts can't concentrate.

Fantasies fill my head with Dane in that bathroom, his perfectly sculpted body, what almost happened yesterday. I haven't seen the fucker in literal years and the first thing I do is shove my tongue down his throat. Really? Where has my common sense gone?

I don't know where he's been, what has changed and already my thoughts are consumed with him. It the knowledge of is existence was always somewhere in the corner of my thoughts, well now it was in the fucking centre of them. This infuriating hunk of-

A soft thud sounds in front of me. My eyes travel from the container wrapped in tinfoil to the annoyance themselves stood in front of me. Dane looks a little sheepish and I notice a little bit of a quiver of his hand that his tries to hide - and miserably fails.

"I-I... I noticed-" His sentence is wobbly as if he himself doesn't know what he wants to say.

My heart melt as his cute- No! Not cute, definitely not cute.

I glare at him. "Full sentences, Cotton Ball." He opens his mouth and shuts it again. "You can do it." I say in a rude tone but my expression must be anything but as the fucker starts talking. And fuck - I wish he would never stop. "I noticed you... you didn't have any dinner last night. I didn't know who- who my roommate was and I wanted to cook something. I like cooking, my mom taught me. I'm ranting aren't I?" He asks when he sees the eyebrow I lifted. "Well, what I meant to say was I also happened to notice that you didn't have any breakfast either..." He trails off again when he sees the empty musli bar packaging and red strains his face. "I brought you this- I don't matter."

Still busy with muttering to himself the idiot doesn't notice how I get up and walk around the table. "I don't even know if you're allergic to something. I shouldn't have-" A breath leaves him once we notice how close we are to each other and guilt and fucking regret seeps into me like a poison at what I am about to do.

"I don't fucking want your food." I want your food. "I don't fucking want your care, or kindness", hurt flashes over his face and I just know that I regret every word that comes out of my poisoned mouth, "or anything else you have to offer. Other than being a useless distraction in my life I have to tolerate-" I break off not wanting to finish the lie. Ignore what I said, I beg in my mind, see the lie im telling you. I would never-

His gaze hardens into something I've never seen before, into a facade I have never met. Those green eyes that have haunted my thoughts all these years turn black. HIs wolf his darker, much much darker than the little Cotton Ball.

In a fighting clash of green and black Dane starts to walk backwards away from me, as if stopping himself from doing something stupid. I feel my eyes wolf battling me, trying to make me take my own words back but I deserve this. I deserve to hurt. It's the only way I can feel after all of my past.

Danes voice isn't his when his speaks, it rougher "Eat it." He is out the door before I can respond his waistcoat a shadow of black behind him. I feel myself slowly falling agains the table and I don't stop myself from falling to the ground. Refusing to let any tears fall deep breaths rake though my body and with shaky hands I shift through my bag until I find it.

As good as new. That is what I had said all those years ago. Holding the drawing close to my chest I try to calm myself but it's not really working. I fucked up and pushed the only one away that wasn't aware of what I had done. The only one still unaware of my reputation and I made him hate me.

I shake off my feeling and put on the mask I had mentally been wearing for all these years. I don't feel. I am ruthless. And I will get rid of anyone in my way to stop me.

I regret nothing.

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