Living

Chapter 3, Fate

Jin Hee never had the courage to ask her father about the money, but the calm composure of him at the dinner table had given her a sense of relief. The storm that was inside her had calmed down. Ever since she had decided that she will not study law, there was a constant ache in her heart that she could not get rid of. She told herself many a times that being a lawyer was not a big deal for her. She was a smart and hard working person and whatever she does in life, she will not regret giving up on law for the sake of her parents. She had even practiced a whole speech in front of Se Hee

"Amman, Abu-ji, I know that I have made a big deal about wanting to be a lawyer, but I think it is not for me. Just to get in the program, I have worked harder than all my school life combined. I have not had a life of my own this past year. Every waking hour of my life has been about getting in to law school. I now realise that it is not going to be the end of the struggle, instead it is the start of an even harder phase of becoming a lawyer. I am not cut for it. That's why I want to apply for some other program and not go for law"

"It almost sounds convincing" See Hee said

"Maybe because it is half true"

"Really?"

"I have always known that it will only get harder"

"Then why did you want to do it?"

"Because it makes me feel alive"

"What? Working hard?"

"No"

"Then?"

"That there is something that I want so badly. Even though it is so hard that everything else in my life has to become secondary for me to get it"

"Is that a good thing?"

"Does it have to be good or bad?"

"It does"

"No"

"You are not making a lot of sense" Se Hee actually got worried about her sister.

And that's when Jin Hee said,

"Se Heeya, in this world there are so many  people who are working hard. Constantly. Maybe not everyone, but most people. Do you know how many people are actually working hard for something they like?"

Se Hee stared at her blankly. Jin Hee continued,

"Everyone has a dream or wishes and everyone is working hard, too hard in many cases. But there are a very few people who are lucky enough to be able to work hard for what they wholeheartedly wish for"

"Then why give up on it? There is probably a way out of this. Money should not be the reason you give up on your dream" Se Hee said.

"Silly, money is the most common reason for this. Why else would people not pursue their dreams? They either don't have the money to go for their goals, like me. Or they have to make money to survive that they can't think of dreams and goals. Maybe they are the luckier of the miserable category. Survival makes them forget about this silly thing called dreams"

There was silence in the room. For the next two days, the girls kept talking and it was mostly Se Hee trying to convince Jin Hee to not give up and Jin Hee convincing herself to stay true to her wise decision. She made Se Hee listen to her speech many times. She din not want to waiver in front of her parents. She was afraid she might cry in front of them, therefore, preparation was of the utmost importance.

Jin Hee had finally decided to announce her withdrawal at the dinner table when her father told her to be ready the next day for fee payment. She was light as a feather and her appetite had come back. After six days Se Hee had finally eaten a full meal.