Forever his Darling ; Y/n x Mattheo

eleven - y/n

October 2nd

i had put off thinking about my situation.

it hurt too much.

i needed time to come to terms with mattheo being gone.

my heart ached.

it hurt so much because i knew i still loved him.

was it something i did?

was i not good enough for his standards?

was it because of new york?

i hadn't gone to classes all week.

party because i was throwing up every morning, thanks morning sickness, and partly because i knew if i saw him i would fall apart.

so i stayed in my dorm debating what to do.

pansy has been amazing with everything.

she brings me food and drink from each meal and makes sure i'm doing okay.

she honestly deserves a medal.

i had come to a decision about this baby.

i was keeping it.

i wasn't planning on telling anyone else anytime soon.

i knew it would be hard to hide but i was going to try my hardest.

i knew i was young but i wanted to do this.

give my life some purpose.

i had checked in with madame pomfrey and she had told me i was 4 weeks pregnant.

she also said the baby was looking healthy so far.

thank god.

i knew i needed to get back to class and that's why i had prepared myself to do it today.

i got ready with pansy and we walked to herbology together.

the leaves had fallen off all the trees and the air had chilled down.

ripe autumn.

Mattheo was in this class.

he didn't sit near me but i would still see him.

we walked into the greenhouse.

i took my seat next to blaise and pansy.

blaise gave me a sympathetic smile.

he only knew about the breakup not the baby.

i didn't see mattheo in the room luckily.

professor sprout was about to start the lesson when there was a clutter outside.

she opened the door and mattheo stumbled in.

he had knocked over a load of plant pots.

"mr riddle good morning" she said inspecting him

his eyes weren't focused.

he was drunk.

he made his way through the classroom and took his seat away from me.

professor sprout started the lesson.

i tried to focus on my work but my mind was elsewhere.

i didn't even hear when the bell rang.

"y/n? are you coming?" pansy asked

i snapped out of my mind and nodded packing up my stuff.

"how are you feeling?" she asked quietly

"insanely nauseous" i replied

"will you be okay for potions?" she asked

shit i forgot i had potions today.

and with mattheo as my partner.

i sighed knowing i had to go.

"il be fine" i replied with a smile

she smiled back as we reached the potions classroom.

mattheo wasn't there yet.

i took my seat at our bench and began reading the task on the paper in front of me.

i didn't even notice when mattheo sat down next to me.

"morning gorgeous" i heard him say

i nearly jumped out of my skin.

i could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"good morning" i replied as i carried on reading.

we had to make pepper-up potion.

simple enough.

i got up and walked round the room gathering what we needed.

i could feel mattheos eyes watching my every move.

i brought the ingredients to the table and set them down between us.

" what are we making?" he asked

"pepper-up potion" i replied as i began to cut up the wormwood leaves.

he nodded and took the jar of shrivelling fruit to cut it up.

i could smell the fruit and it was making my nausea worse.

every potions lesson sets my morning sickness off.

i tried to ignore it which clearly was a bad idea.

My stomach turned quickly and i couldn't hold it in.

i turned round and puked in the nearby bin.

The others in the classroom didn't seem to notice apart from mattheo, pansy and theo.

pansy gave me a worrying look whilst mattheo gave me a confused one.

"are you sick?" he asked

" i guess so" i lied

he just looked at me blankly.

"i should go" i said as i walked up to slughorn.

"yes miss gaunt?" he asked

"may i be excused to go to the infirmary?" i asked

"of course" he replied and i left.

except i didn't go to the infirmary.

i went to mcGonagall.

i knew i would need her help if i intended on keeping this baby.

i would need to know how to manage my school work.