The movie was halfway over. Spencer's hand was on my thigh as we lay together.
"Hey babe?" he said quietly.
"Yeah?" I turned to look at him.
"Do you want to?" he asked.
"Want to what?" I asked back confused.
"You know.." he replied as he thrust his clothed erection against me. I stayed silent as a blush crept onto my face.
"It's okay if you don't want to," he said, backing up a little.
"I just... Are you sure it's a good idea? What if we get caught?" I asked as an excuse.
"We won't get caught, my parents aren't home," he replied.
'Great.'
He got up and crawled on top of me.
"So, do you want to?" he asked, this time with a smirk. Thoughts flooded my head. '
Just lie so he doesn't get mad.'
'Don't lie to him, he's your boyfriend.'
'If you say yes, he'll see the body you hate.'
'He said it was okay that I didn't want to.'
'Isn't it too early in our relationship for this?'
'Is he using me for sex?'
"Jess, are you okay?" he asked, straddling my hips. I snapped out of my trance to realize tears were running down my face.
"Y-yeah, I'm okay," I said, quickly wiping them away.
"Don't lie to me, Jess, talk to me," he said. He got off of me and gently laid down. More tears flooded my eyes as I figured out what to say.
"You want sex but I don't and I didn't want to upset you and say no, but I also didn't want to lie to you and say yes," I cried.
"It's okay, babe, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stress you out like that," he smiled comfortingly and brushed my hair behind my ear.
"I'm the one who's sorry, I know you want to, and it's not that I don't, I just don't want you to see my body," I wiped my tears again.
"Why's that? You're beautiful babe," he said, smiling again.
"No! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!" I sobbed harder and turned away from him.
"Hey, hey, calm down, breathe," he placed his hand on my shoulder and hovered over me, trying to see my face. I never thought I'd be crying like this on an anniversary.
"Why do you hate your body so much?" he asked. I turned to face him again, wiping my eyes one last time.
"I don't know how to explain it, it just feels...wrong," I tried to explain.
"Wrong?" he cocked his head a little.
"Yeah, like I was born into the wrong body," I stated.
"How can I make you feel better or more comfortable?" he asked. He held my face in his palm as his gentle eyes absorbed me.
"I don't know, I really don't, I've felt this way for years and never knew how to fix it," I replied.
"Maybe you should Google it when you get home," he suggested.
"Maybe, if I remember," I smiled.
"And until then, we cuddle and watch movies," he said, grabbing me and pulling me onto his chest. I giggled as we both got comfy and focused our attention back on the movie.
