I immediately did a Google search as soon as Spencer dropped me off at home.
"No matter what happens, I'm here for you, Jess, I promise," his voice repeated in my mind. I clicked enter on the keyboard, butterflies in my stomach as the page loaded. As soon as it did, I saw a Reddit link. Hesitantly, I clicked on it and started reading what people were saying.
'I hated myself at first, then I decided to try male pronouns and I found the real me,' one person wrote.
'Male pronouns?' I clicked on the replies.
'The name change too,' one said.
'I didn't need to change my name, I just go by Jay,' said another.
'Transgender? Could I be trans?' I asked myself, 'I'm still attracted to guys. Trans and gay?' I closed the laptop and tried to decide what to do.
'What if nobody supports me?' Anxiety and panic filled my body as I sat in silence on my bed.
'I can't lose my boyfriend and best friend over this.' The thoughts got worse and worse as I failed to sleep. My phone kept receiving messages and I knew they were from Spencer, but I couldn't bring myself to respond. I threw myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. I opened the counter drawer and pulled out the scissors, holding them to my hair.
