Dear diary [Gaon × Junhan]

Number one

,,Have you seen a book? It has black cover... I have lost it." I heard from a kitchen.

He didn't actually lose it, I found it under the couch while cleaning the living room. ,,Junnie, here!" I walked up to him and handed him his diary.

I wanted to read but what if he gets to know? Will he be angry? Will he stop talking to me? But what if he doesn't find out? But no, I would never do this to my friends. Never.

Never...

It was about 8 PM and JunHan was again writing his diary. It was his small rutine, I noticed. Every evening he sat in his room and wrote or listened to LOUD music. Really LOUD. Several times we had to shout at him to turn down the Tokio Hotel he listens to. Scream, his favorite i guess; he listened to it so many times, that I know the lyrics even backwards.

I was just sitting with Jooyeon and Seungmin in the living room, discussing about the night shift. None of us wanted to stay in the studio until midnight or worse, until three in the morning. We also asked others, but no one volunteered. I sighed. Even after the second invitation, no one answered, so I took the night shift. What was i supposed to do? Nobody wanted to go.

Nobody...

I packed my bag and left with money to buy some energy drink. I hate them, but I've already experienced a sleepover in the studio once and it wasn't a good experience. I fell asleep on the computer keyboard while it was on. Millions of unnecessary letters appeared in the text, which took so long to delete. Ugh.

Of course, the first manager who discovered it totally scolded me for that. He found me in the middle of the night and woke me up, as soon as I opened my eyes I knew I was going to die.

I knew it...

I finally get to JYP building, heading straightly to our studio. I threw my backpack in the corner and drank from the black and blue can. Pretty gross, but hopefully the keyboard incident won't happen again. I hope. I turned on the computer and the program on which I found several songs written out in any way. I started reading the latest one which was last edited by Hyeongjun.

Dear H?

Who is that H? Han? Hero? Hope? Ham? Nah it cannot be ham 😂 After reading the text I wanted to call JunHan and ask him. But it was late and I didn't wanted to wake him up. I read the text once more and started writing and editing it. I didn't understand the melody, what someone wrote there, probably Jungsu. I couldn't quite imagine it.

The next day: 1:26 AM

As my eyelids began to slowly close, I packed up, turned off the technology and left. At least I wrote something down and finally understood the melody, so I edited the melody too. I left the building and got on the bus. There were only a few people here. One sleeping gentleman, a lady with a book and a bunch of pretty young guys, all of them vaping. I sighed as they looked at me in disgust, so I got off at the nearest station. It was an early November morning, it was raining lightly and it was cold. I walked to our dorm with my hands in my pockets.

Sometimes I think about suicide. Just think. If I'll kill myself, what will the other members do? Will they end the contract? Will they find someone else? I already have few scars on my legs, but i try to cover them with makeup, so people will not notice. I made them when I was under a lot of stress during our debut.