𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 ━━ 𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐝

seventy nine | sister

"Mrs. Phoenix-Shepherd?"

The nurse stands at the doorway, a clipboard in hand and a smile on her face. I walk towards her unsteadily with Derek trailing behind.

"How are we doing today?"

"Good."

Although on the outside, I'm nothing but sunshine and rainbows, on the inside is where the turmoil continues to boil.

Once inside, she conducts the preliminary checks — blood pressure, weight, and growth — before handing me a paperthin tablecloth.

"Everything off from the waist down, and Dr. Reuben will be in shortly."

Derek takes ahold of the covering while I remove my pants and underwear. Silence consumes the atmosphere until he breaks it.

"I was thinking about telling Lizzie if you're okay with that."

"Don't you think it's still a little early?"

"Yeah, but she's doing this thing for me."

The thing being donating a nerve to fix Derek's hand in a surgery Callie and Jackson have completely overseen.

"And the next thing you know, everyone in your family will know."

"Well, you told Cristina."

"I haven't told Cristina."

His head snaps up, fingers still working to unfold the tablecloth. "Still? I thought you would've told her by now."

"With everything going on between her and Owen, I didn't tell her." My back leans against the exam chair. "Besides, I'll probably miscarry in the next week or so."

"Leven. . ."

"I'm being realistic."

Knock, knock, knock.

The door opens to reveal Dr. Reuben, the very O.B./G.Y.N. whom Dr. Barrinski recommended after going through my medical history with her.

"Hi, Leven. Pleasure to meet you." She outstretches a kind hand. "Dr. Barrinski's already familiarized me with your case, and I am more than happy to guide you through this."

"Thank you. It means a lot." I force a similar smile, which only Derek seems to notice.

Once she's situated in the circular chair, the doctor motions for me to move down into the stirrups. I instinctively slip my hand into Derek's when the monitor beeps on.

"There we go."

Thump-thump. Thump-thump.

The heartbeat echoes loudly within the four painted walls of the room, a sound I didn't expect to hear so early in the pregnancy.

"Right there. . .is your baby."

She points to the very miniscule form in a circle of darkness. A head and four limbs jut out of the shapeless form, the signs of a steadily growing fetus.

"Would you like pictures?"

"Yes."

"No."

The conflicting answers cause the doctor to look up. I simply look away from her and the monitor, while Derek restates "yes".

"Is there a reason you barely even looked at the monitor?"

The two of us step out of the practice towards the parking lot.

"I'm trying not to get attached, alright?"

"Attached to the very thing growing inside of you?"

"Not for long. The universe has its ways."