𝙹'𝚠𝚊𝚞𝚗 𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚗
Location:crib
Time:4:45am
"Shit" i said waking up from the cycle that keeps on replaying on and on in my head
The cycle that woke me up every second I tried to close my eyes to escape from reality
No matter how much I try to run they chase me
The gunshots...
The screams ..
The cries ..
The sirens ...
All of them trapped in my head not wanting to get
out
𝙹'𝚠𝚊𝚞𝚗 𝙹𝚘𝚑𝚗𝚜𝚘𝚗
day: 10th September 2018
the day of his birthday
"You think you're soo funny ain' it " Diamontae said to his little brother putting him in a headlock rubbing his head
"Yeah I am and what " J'waun said back acting tuff while trying to get out of his brothers grip
"Nah you ain't but i'ma let you go fa now " Montae said before letting him out of his grip
He made his way to his middle drawer and opened it taking a gun and putting it in the waistband of his trousers
"Where you finna go ? " J'waun asked his older brother
"To buy some medicine for mom " he said making J'waun nod
Diamontae and J'waun mom had kidney cancer at that time
She didn't make it days after hearing the news about her son death.
"Can I come with you " JJ asked
"You gone touch anythin' when we get there?" his brother asked raising a brow
"No sir " he said shaking his head
"Alright stay with me and don't go anywhere unless I say so "
"Yes sir "
They left the house heading to the pharmacy
10 mins after...
"Alright that will be £11.50 for you sir " the lady said smiling while Montae handed her the money
"Thank you and have a nice day " she said while they walked out
Montae and JJ looked at each other before busting out laughing
"That old lady was defo feeling you "JJ said laughing
"Yeah I can see that "
"That will be 11.50 for you sir " Montae said mocking her voice making them bust out laughing
All of a sudden a car pulled up and gunshots started flying
"Shit shit hide hide hide " Montae said pushing JJ behind a car
"Okay stay here "
"What are you gonna do ?" JJ asked his older brother scared
"Nigga I'm gone be good just stay here and do not move " he said pulling his gun out of his waistband walking away from the back of the car
J'waun heard multiple gun shots shooting before everything went quiet
the gunshots stopped and all you could hear was screeching tires that sounded like someone driving off
J'waun looked around before coming out of his hiding spot
His eyes widened seeing his older brother dead body laying in a puddle of his own blood
*Flashback over*
All of this , a nightmare that won't escape my head
This all happened the day I lost my best friend
my happiness
my bother and a father figure all in one
The person who I looked up to
The person I wanted to be like
The heat to my body that always made me feel safe and warm and never gave a shit about them stupid rules
was...
GONE
gone? gone?
That shit keeps on repeating in my head on and on and on?
It feels like im going crazy
But to be real I am
It's difficult to let go of a person who has been a big impact in your life
years have moved but i can't with them
People keep on telling me to let go because there is no point of holding on
But their not in my position
It's always " his gone you need to heal and focus on yourself and the future " but no one ever understands the struggle of letting go off a person who you planned half of your future with
No one ever talks about how hard is trying to rebuild yourself, piece by piece, with no instruction book, and no clue as to where all the important bits
are supposed to go
Its like everyone around me has forgotten him but me?
I'm not even angry anymore
I don't have any emotions towards it
I feel completely numb
I have nothing or no one to actually help me fill this empty hole I feel inside me
Everyone that tried to fill this space either left or wasn't able to help
All I can think about is why and who?...
𝙷𝚒 𝚐𝚞𝚢𝚜𝚜𝚜
𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚘𝚠-𝚔𝚎𝚢 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝙸 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚢'𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚘 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝙹'𝚠𝚊𝚞𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚠𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚏𝚏 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚕𝚜𝚎
𝙷𝚘𝚠 𝚍𝚘 𝚠𝚎 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢??
𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠!! 💓
𝙿𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 ✌🏾
