Bear

Chapter 19: Bear

Robin is pissed.

I knew she would be; I knew that she isn't cut out for this life. She's not the kind of woman who sits around waiting for a man to play house with. It's part of the reason I'm so fucking drawn to her.

What is it with wanting the things you can't really have?

I want to go after her, to apologise and tell her everything, but I can't. It is club law that only members are supposed to know about club business, and besides that, I have a feeling it'll only make her angrier. She needs time to cool off.

I start packing my bag, shoving some clothes in my bag, some money, and a couple knives. All the while my mind is stuck on Birdie.

With good intel and a good ride, I'm hoping that this run will take us no longer than a week. Hopefully that's enough time for Birdie to cool down— at least enough for us to talk. Even then I'm entirely sure what to say to her. I can't break club rules, especially since technically Birdie is still an outsider, and Birdie isn't okay with not knowing.

Maybe it would be better for us both to just call this whole thing quits before we both end up any more fucked than we already are.

The worst part is that even if I know it's probably the right thing to do, I don't want to. I'm too fucking selfish, too caught up in her and I don't want to let her go.

But fuck if it's not the least she deserves.

Before I can spiral into a hopeless abyss, there's a loud rapping on my door. My head perks up, hoping that it's her— that she wants to either fight or fuck this shit out because I don't like having all this up in the air. Especially when I have to leave her.

"What?" I call out, my eyes locked on the closed door, waiting for the person to reveal themselves.

Brute pokes his head round the door, then realising I'm alone he lets himself open the door a little wider. I mumble a quick curse under my breath, half disappointed that it's not her and half annoyed with myself for wanting it to be her.

"Pres just gave the all clear, we ride in a few hours." Brute informs me. His nosy ass peers around my room, like an investigator searching for something— or someone.

"Cool." I ignore his prying eyes, hoping he'll take the hint to piss off as I turn back to my half packed bag and slinging the rest of my shit in the little duffle bike bag.

"You not gonna spend some time with your girl, man?" Brute leans against the wall, his brows peaked in interest.

Any man with sense leaving for a run in a few hours would spend some time with a soul sucker, especially if they'd be gone longer than a few days. And especially if they had someone going steady. Then again, Robin and I aren't really going steady, and I never claimed to be a smart man.

Still, even if I wanted to Birdie clearly doesn't want to see my face right now, a fact I can hardly hide from Brute, even if he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to women.

"She'd probably try to cut my dick off if I try right now."

"Well shit," He chuckles with an unhelpful shrug. "That's what I hump and dump."

I roll my eyes with a scoff; it's club culture. There's a reason why there's a revolving door of soul suckers, and no woman walking around here with an Angel patch. In this world, commitment is messy, it's risky, and it's hard... Not really a bet that anyone willingly takes.

Shit, that was me not too long ago. Yet for some reason the thought of it now only makes my heart clench.

I don't want to think about it. I don't want to fall back into that spiral of her, where I know that we have nowhere to go, and yet I'm unwilling to turn back.