DANGER ZONE | Kenzou Tenma

Chapter 14: The Weight of our Guilt

The next day, I was sitting at the very same place, awaiting Doctor Tenma. I had a good time with Dieter the day before and I was looking forward to seeing him again. But today, everything was going to be different, because a car pulled up near the city fountain and I recognised Doctor Tenma at the wheel. I kept observing him for a moment, but he did not have any intention to leave the car. Eventually, I stood up from the bench and walked over to the car. When I stood right in front of his car door, he winded down the window enough to talk to me.

"Step into the car. We'll go somewhere else today."

I was confused about his sudden change of mind, but did not ask any further. Instead, I opened the other door and sat on the back seat. Once my door was closed, he started driving again, Dieter sitting next to him. Then, Doctor Tenma spoke again.

"I got permission to take you to our current residence. It's a private and quiet place, so it'll be much safer than meeting up in Füssen." I nodded. "I understand."

We didn't drive for long. After about ten minutes, we got out of the car and walked up a mountain to get to the residence. I was surprised to see that we had to pass by a bodyguard, who let us go without further questions. "This is the only way up to the house", Dieter told me, "this place is highly secured. And it's so cool here! I can explore the mountain all day and play soccer!" He was all excited to tell me about the things he was doing all day. Tenma smiled apologetically. "Dieter, that's alright for now." "But she enjoys listening to me! Right, Miss?" I nodded. "Sure, I don't mind listening-" But Dieter cut me off. "Look, we're already here! And Heckel made lunch already!" He ran over to Heckel and the man who seemed to be Tenma's patient, sitting in a wheelchair. "Do you want to eat?", Doctor Tenma asked me. I shook my head. "Thanks, I ate already."

As the others had lunch, I sat on the meadow, watching the clear blue sky and enjoying the warmth. Dieter was finished with having lunch quite soon, so he quickly took his soccer ball and ran over to the meadow to practise. I watched him, feeling at peace when I looked at his concentrated face. He was giving his everything to become better at his hobby. It was a pleasant sight.

Then, I heard someone sit down next to me on the grass.

"Yesterday, you said..."

I turned around to him.

"... that it was a mistake I brought Johan back to life." Doctor Tenma frowned. "Is that what you think?"

He was bothering his head about this question. But I could understand him.

"I said that in a theoretical manner. Or more precisely, I asked you this to find out if that's what you think. And you do. You think that Johan's doing is your fault, because you're the one that brought him back to life. I didn't say that's my opinion, though."

"Then... I'm interested in your perspective on this matter." He looked calm on the outside, but I could sense he was slightly anxious when he said that. And damn, how was I supposed to tell him what I think? Of course I didn't think he was at fault for it. But I was also bad at encouraging people, to open up my heart. I took a breath, looking at the grass in front of us.

"Before the Wall fell, when I was living in the GDR..."

I took another breath.

"... I was a member of the Stasi."

Doctor Tenma's eyes widened, staring at me in shock. "... The Stasi?"

I nodded hesitantly. "Yes. I became a member when I was seventeen." I watched the grass moving in the breeze. "Back then, I was a student at the police academy. I worked as a cleaner in the evenings to pay my rent, in a high-class hotel. One night, when I was on my shift, I overheard a conversation in the hotel lobby. There was no one around because it had become quite late already, so I was just minding my business. But then, I recognised a voice and peeked through the open door. There were multiple men in suits, and I knew one of them. I was well-acquainted to politics thanks to my parents. That man was a politician from West Germany, talking to people who were part of East German State Security. The moment they noticed me, they knew that I had put one and one together... and that's how I ended up becoming a member of the Stasi."

Silence. Doctor Tenma didn't say a word. Still, I was glad I told him about my past, as if the weight on my shoulders had become lighter.

"In that case... you were forced to become a Stasi member. You didn't have a choice."

"That might be true, but it doesn't change what I did afterwards." I watched Dieter happily play football because I liked the sight, and most of all, because I couldn't look Doctor Tenma in the eye. "I did everything they asked me to. Everything. I would report anyone to them, anyone who was oppositional or could become dangerous to the state. And they were people like my parents... resisters. I turned them all in, impressing the ministry with my outstanding abilities."

I sighed quietly. "Doctor, what you did was entirely right. You saved a human's life, no, a child's life for whom you took every self-destructing consequence upon yourself. What became of him has nothing to do with you. You did your job out of the best intention."

... Unlike me.

What I saw in Doctor Tenma's eyes after sharing my view... I think it was relief. For a moment, we just looked at each other, appreciating the honesty in our conversation.

"Detective! Let's play football again!" Dieter waved at us, grinning. I stood up from the grass, brushing my hair behind my shoulders. "I guess I need to go. It's time for a rematch."