5
2013
I listened to Cari. In fact, I grappled with words to say and rehearsed how I'd dish him the break up he wanted. Yung bongga para may impact.
But life was just too ironic, 'no? It wouldn't even let me break up properly. 'Yon na rin ang gumawa ng paraan para maghiwalay kami.
"Mom's bringing me to Cagayan De Oro. Doon na kami titira," Zach told me as he walked back into my my bed room.
We just finished having sex in the shower and this was the next thing he'd care to tell me?
"Why? Ang layo naman," I answered, half busy with blow drying my air. I was sitting in front of the dressing table, watching him through the vanity mirror.
"I don't know. Baka para tutukan ang mga planta namin doon."
"I guess we won't see each other anymore."
Nagulat siya doon. What was there to be surprised about? He should've seen this coming. For all his good looks and hot fucking, this guy wasn't really the brightest crayon in the box.
"We won't even try to make it work?"
I turned off the hairdryer and placed it down on the table. Tumayo ako at hinarap siya. "What's the point? Wala na tayong use sa isa't isa. You're barely here when you're in the same region as me. And I'm sure as fuck you won't be around once you're in there."
He sighed. "Mahal kita, AJ."
I didn't bother answering that. That word had gone murky for me over the years that its meaning had already been distorted for me.
"Kahit katiting, wala ka bang naramdaman sa 'kin?"
"You're seriously asking me that? After you cheated on me many times and treated me like crap? 'Di ka naman multo pero madalas kang nawawala. And you have the face to ask me that?"
His face looked agitated. "Kinukuha ko lang sa kanila yung hindi ko nakukuha sa 'yo. Oo, we fuck. Pero 'di mo 'ko mahal, e. Kahit anong gawin ko, wala. At least sila, pinaparamdam nila na mahal nila 'ko."
"Ah, so you decided to cheat on me, gano'n? Gago ka rin, 'no. Aalis ka na lang, pero pagmumukhain mo pang ako ang may kasalanan. You didn't want my love, let's face it. You just want to stroke your ego. From the start, I was clear to you. I told you what I can give pero ginusto mo pa rin ang relasyon. I didn't love you but I was faithful to you. I took care of you. I cared for you. Ikaw tong puro salita pero ginagago naman ako."
"Mahal talaga kita," sabi niya, sinusubukang lumapit ulit. I stepped back and raised a hand to stop him. "Katawan lang sila. Pero ikaw, mahal kita."
Ang gagong 'to, nagawa pang ipangalandakan sa 'kin ang kalokohan niya. I was a bitch but I never used men like that. I always cared for them kahit na 'di ko mabigay ang buong ako. I'd always tried to make up for my lack of heart.
Alam ko naman na 'di ako santa santita. But this one? This one was a royal douchebag.
"Who are you to talk about women like they're your fucking sex toys, huh?" I said and added. "At isa pa. You can't even stay here for me. What's the sense of your love?"
Humakbang siya ulit palapit sa 'kin. "Gusto mo ba? Gusto mo bang mag-stay ako?"
He sounded desperate pero uminit ang ulo ko. "So nagpapahabol ka? Ikaw na nagloko, ikaw pa may gana. Tough luck, you won't get that here."
"You don't even want me here."
"I don't want boys who won't stay on their own. 'Di ko kailangan ng mga taong walang sariling isip."
