6
2013
I was delayed. Natutuliro na 'ko kakaisip kung anong mangyayari.
Alexa, Hannah, Jill were livid. Cari was sitting on the couch, staring at me, while I paced around my bedroom. The girls were seated on the carpet, watching me with grim faces.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck," I was murmuring under my breath, feeling the gnashing feeling of anxiety rising in my chest.
"I knew that guy was bad news. Ano bang problema n'yan? Bakit 'di kayo nag-protection?" kunot-noong sabi ni Hannah na nagpatango kina Jill at Alexa.
I stopped pacing to look at them, my thumb between my teeth. "It's not his fault. It's mine. I told him I was on the pill."
Hannah frowned. "Kahit pa. Dapat pa rin sigurista siya."
Umiling ako. "I don't think it's right to blame him. It was my decision."
Jill blew out a puff of air, looking just as frazzled as I was. "Paano na? Ano na plano mo?"
Mas dumoble pa ang kaba ko. "I don't know..."
"Sasabihin mo na ba sa daddy mo?"
Iniisip ko pa lang, parang mahihilo na 'ko. Screw him. I was more scared of my lolo.
"Fuck, no. Not yet. Not while I'm not sure yet, and even then, kay Lolo muna," I answered.
"What about Nico? Are you going to tell him?" Cari asked out of the blue.
I darted to her. She was the only one with a calm look on, but her eyes didn't hide the worry she was feeling. "Should I? Kahit 'di pa 'ko sigurado?"
"It's your choice, babe. Kung saan ka comfortable."
I sighed, kneading my forehead. "I don't know. I can't think straight. What would you do if you were in my position?"
"Si Cari? 'Di siya magsasabi hangga't 'di siya sigurado, for sure. Sigurista din 'yan, e. Pero kung ako 'yan, I'll tell him. We did this together. We deal with it together, gano'n," Alexa answered for her.
Cari was nodding. "She's right..."
I bit my thumb again. I had no idea how Nico would take it. With his lifestyle and personality, I could hazard a guess that he wouldn't be ready for a child, ever. We were still young, and our families would never let us live it down. Fuck.
"Stop pacing, AJ. Nahihilo ako sa 'yo. Sit down," Hannah said when I began walking back and forth around the room again.
Huminga ako nang malalim at umupo sa tabi ni Cari. Nilingon ko silang lahat.
"Can I not tell him? Even if I were to get pregnant, can't I keep it a secret? I don't think Nico's fit to be a dad," I told them.
Cari pursed her lips into a thin line. "Babe, it's your choice right now na 'di magsabi. Kasi wala pa at 'di ka pa sigurado. Pero kapag nand'yan na, you have to tell him. It's his right."
My face crunched in grimace. "He's immature. He can't be a father, sure ako. I can take care of my baby myself. Pasasakitin niya lang ang ulo ko."
Cari leveled her gaze with mine as if to gently tell me I was wrong. "That's his choice to make. You can't decide that for yourself. It sucks but it's the right thing to do."
I hated that she was right.
"Tama ka," I said with a groan. "Pero puta kasi. Why am I only attracted to assholes?" I leaned in the couch and sighed sharply. "Puta talaga."
