Brenda's Song

Chapter 5

It was the middle of April. I'd started a part-time job at a grocery store, and visited Amanda and Brenda as often as I could. Amanda and I dated sometimes, other times we took Brenda with us. One Friday after school, Amanda and I picked up Brenda from her day-care. She saw me, and made a mad dash. I crouched down, and she threw herself at me. I caught her, spun as I picked her up, and held her while Amanda signed her out.

The next morning I had a surprise for them. I picked them up early, and took them out to breakfast. When we finished, we headed out to a small town, about half an hour away. They were having a pet parade. Humans walking animals down the street, with many wearing matching costumes. Brenda had the biggest smile. I was holding her so she could see, and she kept pointing out the participants to me.

After the parade, we walked through the street fair. There were numerous arts and crafts, including interactive crafts for kids. Brenda and I did a craft together. One of the gals who were running the booth was watching us. She wanted to know if we were having fun. I was enjoying myself, Brenda was beaming, and Amanda smiled at us from just outside the tent. When she was done, Brenda took her craft and ran to Amanda to show it off. By the time we finished poking around that town, Amanda and I were tired, and Brenda was sleeping in my arms. The trip home was a quiet one.

We had dinner at their house.

Esther asked Brenda, "What was the best part of your whole day?" Brenda grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote:

"Doug is my daddy. He did daddy-daughter stuff with me today." She actually spelled it 'doter,' but we knew. I hugged Brenda, and Amanda cried.

May was all about school projects, and studying for finals. We still went to a couple more small-town celebrations, with parades and activities. Brenda had written notes to the care staff at her day-care that she had a daddy, and she was the happiest little girl in the world. When she visited my home, she wanted us to refer to my parents as her other grandparents.

Once school ended, I started working full time. I made time for Amanda and Brenda, but it was never enough. I always wanted more. I was able to take them to a few county fairs, and we found other 'family' activities we could do together.

Amanda's parents babysat when Amanda and I needed time alone. She was teaching me how to be a romantic husband type. We had conversations that went far deeper than I was comfortable with, but those were the ones that caused me to grow. One evening, we were walking in the park beside the river.

I told her, "Even though I'm feeling closer to you and your family, I'm feeling more distant to my own parents. We aren't getting along all that well anymore. It's like they're jealous of my relationship with you and Brenda. They're encouraging me to focus on work, and saving for my future. They want me to start thinking about college, and my future career. Things have grown a bit heated on more than one occasion, and I'm not about to sacrifice my new family for my parents' wants." Amanda was very supportive, but she didn't want me to fight with my parents.

"There is a balance to be found there someplace. I know you've grown to love me, and Brenda too. But your relationship with your parents shouldn't be suffering. It shouldn't be an either/or."

"They are making it an either/or. If I am forced to choose, you and Brenda are my future. Now that I've found you, I don't want to do anything that will cost me that relationship."

"We really need to talk this over with your parents, this coming Sunday." They would be hosting Amanda's family for a barbecue, and we would have plenty of time to visit.

Late Sunday morning we were in my parents backyard. I was playing catch with Brenda. We were using a spherical sponge about the size of a softball. It was soft and squishy, so it wouldn't hurt her if it hit her. I found it at a discount store I'd gone to with a co–worker during lunch a couple of days previous. As we tossed it back and forth, she was giggling. She kept wanting to know if Amanda was watching us. When we sat down to eat, Amanda brought up the friction between my parents and I. My parents were not great about openly expressing their feelings, so it surprised me when my mom answered Amanda so directly.

"We feel like Doug has totally abandoned his father and I in favor of you two."

"Wow, Mom. I had no idea I was making you feel that way. I've been focused on exploring my feelings for these two." We discussed doing more as a family, and including Amanda and Brenda. More than anything, I wanted them to feel as though they were part of my family, as much as I was feeling a part of Amanda's family. When we got up, Brenda wanted me to hold her, and for all of us to have a group hug.