Emotions are hard.
Emotions can break you down and tear you apart and absolutely destroy you.
There are medications that help
But when you stop taking those medications
You're so much worse
I self medicate
It doesn't really help
But it gets me out of my head for a while
I imagine so many things that would scare my loved ones if I told them
And there are so many people who would notice if I'm gone
It wasn't always like that
And it's a good thing that it is
It just means that my coping mechanisms don't work anymore
I don't know what to do anymore
I don't know how to feel anymore
I was so numb for so long
I shoved everything down for so long
I kept it all in for so long
And one simple reminder had it crashing out of me like a raging river
My mind remembers everything that's ever happened to me
That is not a good thing
I have been through hell and back and yet no one even knows
No one knows what I've been through
Not all of it
But that's ok
Because I do
And I can help me
By self medicating
Even if it doesn't really work
Because it takes the edge off
At least for a little bit
Makes my head feel lighter
For just a few hours
I'll be better tomorrow
Once I get some sleep
I have to be better tomorrow
Or I won't make it to next week
So I'll self medicate tonight
I'll feel well enough to sleep
Hope I don't dream memories
I'll self medicate tonight
And I may wake up tomorrow
YOU ARE READING
Thoughts In The Three AM
Poetrydon't judge. it's depressing and is going into my book. Edit: it's not going in a book, but it is a way for me to keep my emotions on a page instead of in my head
