joker out one shots

home is where the heart is|j.p.

She couldn't help but smile as she saw the boys entering the stage, the place she was standing being perfect to watch them as well as hide so no one would sense her presence. Her eyes fell on Jan and she could actually hear the rapid beating of her heart. She hadn't seen Jan for more than 6 months as she moved to Frankfurt for work. She loved her job, she was so happy she found something that could please her financially and since her dream job was outside Slovenia, she couldn't help but take this huge opportunity, which only ment leaving Jan behind. They didn't break up, they were sure they could make this work but the lack of communication and human interaction slowly broke them both. y/n couldn't handle it anymore and in a span of three days she held her resignation papers on one hand and an one-way-ticket to Ljubljana on the other. She couldn't envision how Jan would react, she feared for the worst but this risk was a risk she was willing to take.

Jan seemed off during the first five songs of the concert, he wasn't interacting with the rest of the group, Nace being the one trying his best to bring him back to his normal self, the one giving his heart and soul into performing. 

can we talk about jan? he hasn't been the same since the gig at tržič
maybe Jan needs vacation or sth?
is it just me or is Jan really distant?
what happened to Jan?

y/n happened to Jan. He didn't need rest, he didn't need vacation. The concert at Tržič was the last concert she attended before she went to Germany, leaving Jan to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. She sighed as she felt her eyes pool with tears, a girl on her left noticing that and offering her a small napkin from her back, her accepting with a smile. "Is it your first concert? I was a crying mess at my first Joker Out concert, it gets better with time" she giggled as y/n just nodded, the girl was really sweet but she wasn't in the mood to elaborate more. She just wanted the concert to get over as fast as possible so she could find herself backstage and look at Jan, throw herself into his arms, smell his intoxicating smell. 

Until Katrina's first notes could be heard, the crowd went wild and Jan looked more intimidating than ever, each and every word of the song burning deep into his veins. People around her caught on this sudden change of attitude, most of them supporting it wholeheartedly, having spent almost half a year seeing Jan being eaten by his inner thoughts. y/n couldn't support what she was seeing, that was not her Jan, he was like a wild beast, and with the meaning of the song he decided to feel deep until his last cell meant only one thing.

He despised her to the bone.

She tried to take her eyes away from his untamed figure, her heart couldn't take it anymore but she was unable to move, her breathing pattern uneven and a lone tear making its way down her right cheek. "Jan is back, finally, can you believe it?" the same girl yelled over the screaming crowd as y/n couldn't articulate the fact that no, this isn't Jan, this is the aftermath of built up pressure caused by one and only person. Her. She tried to give a weak smile to the girl whose eyes were piercing right through her very own and by the smile the girl gave, she supposed the nod pleased her. Kris tried not to show his worry for the outburst of his friend, his eyes never left his figure until the song finished though. She thanked the God above that this was the second to last song, she wouldn't be able to take any minute longer watching Jan at this state, those small details that only people that live with him everyday can spot making him distant, almost unapproachable.

The crowd slowly made its way out of the venue, y/n spotting the entrance to the backstage, a security guard and an iron gate separating her and her unknown future, which seemed gloomier every second passing. She waited for the venue to empty a little more and made her way towards the security guard, a face unfortunately unknown to her. She tried to scan behind the locked gate to no avail as she was left alone with the piercing gaze of the security guard. "Looking for something?" he said, his tone showing no emotion whatsoever. "I was wondering if I could just enter backstage? I am-" she stopped as she didn't even know if she could present herself as Jan's girlfriend anymore. "I am sorry kiddo, there's no way backstage" he simply replied as y/n quickly fired back a fast "I know the guys. Call one of them and they will let me in". The security guard started laughing, a hysterical kind of laugh that startled her and made her take a step backwards. He tried to control his laughter fit and he approached her,the tone of his voice a mix of mockery and pity. " You are like the 10th person that said the same line today. Next time, try and be more creative, I might think to believe you-"

"y/n?" she heard her name being called and her eyes met the warm gaze of Bojan, who smiled at her enthusiastically and ushered the security guard to open the gate for the girl in front of him. His arms wrapped around her small frame, squeezing her, clearly showing how much he missed her. She closed her eyes and sighed. He smelled of his distinctive greens and berries aftershave with a hint of mint. He smelled like Bojan, he smelled like home. She broke the hug as Bojan looked at her, his smile not leaving his face. She adored Bojan, he had been the actual reason she and Jan got together. " I assume you are not here for me?" Bojan said with a smile as y/n tried her best to reciprocate his pure happiness, failing miserably. "Do you think Jan will want to see me?" she blurted out as Bojan's smile faded. "What kind of question is this y/n? Of course" he said fast, a clear sign of his uncertainty. "He is upstairs in the balcony of the foyer, he is having a smoking break" he added and ushered the girl up the flight of stairs.

Jan stood alone, a cigarette on one hand and his other tangled into the mess he had created with his untamed hair. He leaned his elbows on the rail and sighed, slowly looking at the city falling asleep. y/n slowly took the last step and saw the back of her lover, if she could still call him that way. She kept this safety distance between them two and tried to put as much strength to her voice as she could. "Janči?". She saw the muscles of his back tense, his sudden shock causing his still unlit cigarette to fall from the balcony. Her heart was racing as she saw Jan slowly turn around and meet her gaze. She let out a shaky breath as she fought back the tears that were pooling her eyes. "y/n? What are you doing here?"

y/n loved her name. She loved the way it sounded, she loved the way Jan used it on very special occasions, when introducing her as y/n, my girlfriend or when they are making love. She could never think she would hate her name right now, they way Jan voiced it sounded so damn impersonal and somehow distant. She couldn't take any steps forward, her initial plan to run into his arms long forgotten and thrown down the drain. She didn't know how to react, what to tell him, so she simply closed her eyes and mouthed an almost voiceless "I am here for you. I missed you." Jan's reaction was unreadable. He showed no emotions and that scared y/n to the bone. "Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked him as Jan huffed. "You came here to see me and then leave and go back to Germany though. This means nothing right now, you might as well just go".

y/n felt her feet tremble and her vision blurry. She couldn't really understand if it was because of the tears or the sudden dizziness but she managed to stand still and look at Jan even if she could barely distinct his facial features. Her thoughts in disarray, she tried her best to articulate as best as she could everything that has been on her mind. "My car is outside. It is full Jan. All the stuff from Germany is in there, I left. I don't want to do this anymore, I need my family, I need you, you are my family" she started rambling as Jan rushed to her side and got a strong hold of her shoulders his eyes piercing right through hers. He threw his head back and muttered six words that made both of them break down.

"Fuck, I love you so much"

Jan held her as close to his chest as possible, his tears falling freely from his eyes and stopping at his stuble, exactly at the point where his lips gave light kisses on the top of her head. Jan's white shirt was full of small black stains from her mascara but the way his arms held her and his heart beat exactly at the point her face was buried into his torso was the only thing that mattered. "That job was your dream, baby. Why did you quit?" he whispered, he couldn't trust his voice for the world. "I couldn't take it all alone up there. I needed you, I needed your hugs, your kisses, your chest as my pillow. I couldn't take it anymore. I can find something good here, but I can't find a Jan up there" she concluded as Jan chuckled. "But you said you could make Germany your home" he added as y/n buried her head deeper into his chest.

"Home is where the heart is Janči. And my heart is yours."

-♡-

So yeah, long time no see❤️ I tried to recover from the Il Volo concert here in Athens, I still haven't managed to do that but I am working on it.

This one shot was inspired by my favorite barveoceana and her incredible Metulji, so I would not only recommend, but also urge you to read it if you haven't already because it is a piece of art I swear.

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