Paper Trails

14th April 2001

 A strange sound drifted over the stacks. Theo ignored his usual instincts and wandered towards the noise. To his surprise he found Harry sat perched on a crate of unsorted manuscripts sniffling softly to himself as he tried to work his way through the papers scattered haphazardly around him.

"Careful Potter, even your Saviour tears will damage priceless documents." He joked causally sitting on a small crate stacked across the isle.

"Oh, Sorry Theo" Harry startled, knocking one of the piles of scrolls next to him to the floor.

"What's got you upset?" Theo asked gently, stooping to help pick up the mess.

"Nothing important, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb your work."

"It clearly is important if it has you crying over your work like this."

Harry looked at Theo suspiciously for a moment before sighing and looking back down at his notes.

"Just got a few things on my mind." He said quietly. Theo grabbed Harry's arm as he stood to leave, quickly guiding him back down to sit on the boxes.

"Sit and explain. It clearly is a big enough thing if it distresses you this much."

"Uh, it's just Ginny. I got into an argument with her again."

"What about?

"She wants me to propose to her. I think it's too soon, I mean we have only been dating two years and what if I'm not what she wants?"

"Do you love Ginny?" Theo asked,

"Of course, what else would I feel?"

"That doesn't sound like love to me."

"The Weasley's are my only family. Family loves each other."

"Are you sure you don't love her like a sister? The same way you love Granger?"

"But Hermione doesn't want to kiss me."

"Do you want to kiss Ginny though?"

"I guess, it feels nice." Harry shrugged, wrapping his arms around his chest. The forgotten scrolls falling in a pile around his feet.

"Nice is when Pansy hugs me after a long day at the office. Have you ever felt butterflies in your stomach? Fireworks in your brain. That is what kissing should feel like. Merlin the first time I kissed Blaise in sixth year I swear I stopped breathing for a full minute."

"You like men?" Harry asked aghast shuffling away from Theo a strange look on his face.

"Don't tell me you subscribe to that ridiculous muggle belief that same sex couples are wrong?" Theo carefully bit back his anger, it seemed Potter was as much of a light sided fool as ever. He had no time for the ridiculous muggle fad that was homophobia.

"You mean it isn't?" Potter's voice held a strange thread of uncertainty and hope.

"Of course not."

"So..." Harry paused looking down at the papers in his lap. "I... I'm not a freak if I liked men?"

"Merlin Harry, of course not!" Theo said exasperated. Was there no part of this man's life that hadn't been twisted. "Have you really felt that all these years."

"It doesn't matter anyway." Harry brushed the comment aside and began sorting the manuscripts, placing them back on the shelves haphazardly.

"If you really feel this way, you shouldn't stay with Ginny. It isn't fair on her." Theo pointed out. "You should also do this for you. You won't ever be truly happy in a relationship like that."

"I can't, its what they want, I can't loose my family like that."

"If they stop being your family just because you are gay and not dating Ginny, then they didn't deserve you in the first place."

"I just..." Harry shook his head, wrapping his arms around himself. "I lost my family once, I can't loose them again. I don't want to be alone"

"There are loads of people who like you. You won't be alone."

"They like the Saviour of the wizarding world" Harry spat "They don't like Harry. I just want to be Harry."

"What about Longbottom or Lovegood, all those other Gryffindor's who fought with you."

"I, uh. After the war we sort of lost contact." Harry admitted, "I was so overwhelmed with owls and things from everyone that I asked for some space and Hermione took over my correspondence. It's kinda been the same ever since. She gives me the important letters and has gradually been putting blocks on everything else. I think our system is a bit too much trouble for most people, they stopped writing after a while."

"Or Granger kept you cut off by controlling your mail."

"Theo! She is my friend, she wouldn't do that!" Harry snapped. Theo winced, he had spoken without thinking. Harry was more skittish than a bowtruckle and the slightest accusation could send him running again.

"I apologise Harry, it was just a theory" Theo said smoothly, ignoring the muttered 'keep your theories to yourself'. "Please know that I am your friend, remember I gave you my floo address, if you ever need it you are always welcome at my flat."

"Thank you Theo" Harry smiled and Theo reached out pulling the smaller man into a hug. Harry stiffen for a second before relaxing and whispering "You are a good friend, I don't deserve you"

Theo tightened his arms for a second, enjoying the feeling of Harry pressed into his body, before berating himself. It would do him no good to enjoy such things when Harry could barely even admit his own preferences. It would only lead to ruin. Harry needed to remain an interesting puzzle. One that, when solved, could be placed back on the shelf and only glanced at occasionally in remembrance.