am i the villain?

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I try finding the words so that I don't disappoint myself and I fail.

I disappear more each time I fail to make sense of my feelings.

I don't know if I'm trapped or a willing hostage.

Am I the victim or the villain?

My mind is what holds me hostage it won't shut off despite the stinging in my eyes.

It's bawled up like a fist.

It crushes my dreams.

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