2. mirrorball (a taylor swift au)

-chapter twelve-

Gracie was back in Los Angeles. Back by the beach. It had been eleven days since she'd hurt Ellie. Eleven long fucking days. Two hundred and sixty four hours. Fifteen thousand, eight hundred and forty minutes. It felt like forever. Infinity. It didn't fucking have an end. Taylor still texted her as normal, but there weren't any snapchats from Taylor of Ellie, no photos that Ellie had secretly sent when Taylor wasn't looking. No photos of the cats, or what the chicken she'd been named after was up to. No details about Ellie's school, or her friends... nothing.

Miles had been away for nine days. That had been the longest that Gracie had been away from him since they'd started dating. But... she liked it. Having the house to herself, being able to do or say whatever she wanted. She was sitting in her Los Angeles home, and she felt guilty. She had enjoyed the nine days away from him more than she'd ever begun to realise - and she didn't want them to end. She didn't want him to come back. Sure, his mother had been in a car accident and that was terrible... and she felt so guilty for the relief that had settled in its wake. There was just so much guilt. Between Ellie and wishing Miles wouldn't come back home... it was weighing her
down. Life was really heavy at the moment.

Gracie got out of bed, and let Weenie out to the yard, frowning. She loved Miles. She did. She was sure of it. So why was she so relieved at the fact that he wasn't here? That her house was hers again, that she wasn't tied down. That there wasn't someone smacking her ass every time he saw it. That he wasn't wanting sex on the couch at two o'clock in the afternoon. Gracie tucked her hair behind her ears, sitting down on the chair outside.
"Weeeenie!" She grinned as her dog came running over to her, a big smile. Even Weenie seemed so much happier.

Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she knew who she wanted to talk to. There was one person who'd be able to make her feel better. Usually, she'd phone up Abby, who was pretty good at talking some sense into her. But Abby didn't like Miles. In fact, Abby hated him. When Miles walked into a room, Abby walked straight out of it. So Gracie wouldn't say these things to her.

So she called up Taylor. Even though she knew she probably shouldn't. Taylor had assured Gracie that it was all okay, that it was all fine. But Gracie knew it wasn't.

"Hey," She spoke with a smile. If there was something that would make her feel better - it was hearing about the latest shenanigans that Taylor and Ellie had gotten up to. Los Angeles was a long way away from Nashville and she hated that sometimes. "How's Ellie?"
"She's doing a full day of school on Monday," Taylor told her quietly. "Are you okay?" Taylor immediately asked, and Gracie sighed.
"I'm... I'm actually doing better than okay?" Gracie shook her head, confused with the thoughts going on inside. "It's weird."
She heard Taylor move and sit down, heard her best friend get ready for a conversation.
"What's weird about it? You're allowed to be doing okay, Gracie." Gracie felt so privileged to get to talk to Taylor in moments like this. She felt so privileged that she knew Taylor as well as she did. Sometimes she wanted to pinch herself.
"Miles hasn't been here for like... nine days. He's coming back tomorrow afternoon, I think. But I think I've liked him being away far too much. I mean, his Mom was in a car accident and I'm here feeling relief in the fact that I'm here alone." Gracie felt tears in her eyes, and she shook her head. "Is... has Ellie talked about what I did yet?"
"She's... no. No really. Why do you think you're... feeling that way? The sense of relief?"
Gracie bit her lip. "I don't know. I really like him, Taylor... I don't want to be feeling like this."
"Can I be honest with you for a minute?" Taylor was hesitant, and Gracie knew what that meant. She knew that it was going to be the sort of honest conversation that she didn't want to hear. The sorts of things that abby had given up trying to get her to hear.

But maybe it was one that she needed to hear now.

"Please," Gracie's voice cracked. She'd had plenty of these conversations with Abby she hoped Taylor might not be so likely as to scream at her like her best friend had.
"I know you love him, and I'm not saying that he's a terrible person." Taylor paused, and Gracie closed her eyes. "But I've noticed some red flags, Gracie. I didn't want to be the one that said that, I didn't want to be the one who brought them to your attention, but I'm really worried about you."
Gracie's eyes were wet, her fingers fidgeting. She could feel her anxiety creeping up, feel herself beginning to spiral.
Red flags? Miles? He was supposed to be her soulmate.
"Oh," Gracie murmured with a fractured voice.
"Ellie was actually the one who pointed them out to me," Taylor told her - and this was what broke her. Ellie had noticed? Gracie had promised, months ago, that if Miles stopped treating her like a princess... that she'd leave. And yet Gracie had been the one to say that Ellie was too young to understand. It became abundantly clear that Ellie knew it from the start.
"What did she notice?" Gracie needed to hear it.
"The snide little comments, Gracie. Disregarding your future, what you want for yourself. He didn't like your lipstick, didn't like your perfume. He'd make you feel guilty if you didn't leave with him at the end of the night. His hands are always... they're always on your ass. Ellie said that she thinks your body is the least interesting thing about you. And she's nine, Gracie." Taylor paused, and Gracie felt a tear run down her cheek. "But most of all, Ellie noticed you. How you wouldn't wear your favourite lipstick, how after that night you won't wear that perfume anymore. How you always... how you just... didn't have your shimmery glow about you anymore."
Gracie swallowed, trying to steady herself.
"Most of all, she was worried about your sparkle."
"I don't know what to do," Gracie told her. "I don't know what to... I really thought I loved him."
"You can love someone and have it turn out that they're not good for you, Gracie. I mean, I loved Joe, but he wasn't good for me." She heard Taylor pause, knew she was probably thinking about what to say. Taylor took being a supportive friends very seriously. "And now I've found something even better."
Gracie smiled - she knew how happy Taylor was, how Derek didn't limit her sparkle, didn't try and make her out to be anything but herself.
"I don't know what to do," Gracie breathed. "I just... I feel... exhausted, Taylor. I don't know what to do. How do I get out of it?" Panic was setting in, and she felt like all she wanted was to be single. To get to know herself again. "I... he was so nice and then..."
"Then he wasn't?"
"And neither were his friends," Gracie admitted softly. All of the things, all of the fucking things she'd known weren't right but she'd shoved deep inside herself... they were coming to the surface. She'd suppressed them for so long... but she was feeling them now. "They'd... they'd make fun of me."
"Make fun of you?" Gracie could hear the shock in Taylor's voice. She knew she sounded like she was talking about dumb Highschool drama - but his friends had been awful to her. She'd laughed and pretended like it was all just a big joke - but the things that they'd said had really hurt.
"They just... picked on everything I did." She felt like an idiot. "What I wore, my hair... if my nail polish was chipped." She'd just laughed and made out she didn't care - but it wasn't until now that she realised that it had been gnawing away at her.