Twisted

The Scollege

A/N: This story will include as many of the inside jokes as I can recall currently. To anyone but maybe five people and myself, none of this will make any sense :3

There will most likely be several parts.

I am very sorry if anyone is offended by any of this.

One more thing. My friend Arcane wrote like every other paragraph or something like that. We were bored and on a bus.

*bows* thank you. Enjoy~

Beelzebub:

"Fudge," I muttered under my breath as I flew down the hall of the Scollege, head down. "Cthulhu will have my head for this."

I had forgotten to collect any squid babies for the day, I had woken up late, the frickin' Pencilstan snipers almost blew up my house, it was going to be a very bad day. It was also going to rain, judging by the clouds outside. Just my luck.

Stopping in front of the large green doors to the Squid Overlord's office, I took a sharp breath and pushed inside, wishing myself luck. "Lord Cthulhu. Beelzebub reporting for duty."

A soft "spoosh" was heard as the Overlord switched from the Squidnese language to English. He spun around in his huge chair, facing me. Staring me down with his dark eyes, he gave a soft squidlike burble. "Ah. Beelzebub. You're late." He gave me a pointed look.

"I know, Great One. My apologies." I looked down, dreading my next words.

"Alright, now that that's out of the way. I could use some good news. Both Astaroth and Uriel seem to have taken the day off, and it's hard to run this place without them." He sighed, resting his head on his arm.

"How many of the dying squid babies have you gathered?" He continued after a moment. "I know I wasn't able to accompany you this time, but you of all squids can relate. I am an extremely busy overlord, you know."

"Yes, Cthulhu, I know, but you see..." I trailed off. Crap.

A single eyebrow raised. "Yes, Beelzebub?"

I averted my gaze. "I didn't collect the squids you asked for. I'm sorry, my liege. You can punish me as you wish."

A sigh escaped the Overlord's mouth as he turned, refusing to look at me. "I see." He cleared his throat. "Very well, Beelzebub. Is there a reason why you neglected to do so?"

"I ran into some Pencilstan snipers on my way here, after waking up late. I was planning on skipping breakfast and grabbing some of the squids, but they attacked..."

An outraged shout came from the squid, and an angry "spoosh" signaled his switch into a stream of Squidnese profanities. I blinked as he proceeded to use very... Colorful language to describe the Lolistan-Pencilstan war, the main reason there were dying squids in the first place. "Cursed things, they shoot first and ask questions later, those pointy-headed freaks of nature... How DARE they invade Lolistan while we were at peace, the next pencil-neck I see I'll murder!" He slammed a squidlike hand on the desk.

"Cthulhu, please, calm yourself. Would you like me to arrange the army? Do you need a massage? A cup of tea, perhaps? I think Sebastian brought us more!" I spluttered. Cthulhu's rants were always interesting to witness...

"The government spy who's haunted me since middle school?" He demanded.

"No, no, the other one! The one from that-"

"Beelzebub! Silence! I've had enough of these raiding parties, go arrange the armies! I will send them out tonight!" He took a deep breath and calmed. "When you return, I'll have a list of preparations for you, and perhaps we can sit and enjoy a game of SquidChess before we go to war."