reposting cause for some reason it doesn't appear to me haha
—
IT was Sorge's words in an unfamiliar tone that broke my well-handled concentration on the board.
"I heard your ex of a boyfriend is already meeting someone. You know, a Chinese," he said, moving his first pawn to c4. "And... I know the girl. I know her very well."
I shifted my line of sight from the wooden chessboard up to his face, only to get taken aback by the amused expression painted on it. Normally, Sorge held a straight, kind-of-a-stone-rock expression regardless of the topic at hand (he wasn't secretly called by the Castallonon staff The Rock for no reason at all).
Pero ngayon? May kakaibang ilaw sa kaniyang mukha.
If my hunch were correct, I can say na mukha siyang.... nang-aasar.
Mukhang nang-aasar ang gago.
"Really?" was the first word my tongue was able to touch. After all, there wasn't anything else appropriate to say. If he really was trying to piss me off, I should make sure that I wouldn't say anything that would make him think he's winning.
After all, he really is winning.
Parang naaasar ako sa ideya na gusto niya akong asarin.
I regained my composure and positioned my sight back to the board—more specifically, on my right-side pieces. Naputol lang ang paninintig na iyon nang bigla niyang tapikin ang pinakadulong piyesa sa aking kanan. Dala ng pagkagulat, agad kong ibinalik ang paninintig sa kaniya.
"What?" I tried to mask off the growing annoyance in my tone. Congratulations, Sorge! Naaasar na talaga ako. "What was that for?"
"Did you know that she also went to a good school abroad?"
"Oh... really?" naunahan ako ng sarili kong dila. The words suddenly sounded sarcastic and bitter, contrary to my real emotion: uninterested.
Nagkasalubong ang kilay ni Sorge. It was as if he caught the emotion.
To make up for the impulse, I smiled. "Sa London nag-aral si Soleil, hindi ba?"
"Yeah. She was in the same boarding school as Stan's sister."
"I see."
"I think she's done taking her MBA now? If I'm right. If Stan's sister didn't take a foundational degree, they would've been studying at the same pace."
I almost rolled my eyes back to oblivion when Sorge continued to blabber on things I wasn't really interested in. Mabuti na lang at nakayanan kong kontrolin ang sarili. Instead of actively engaging in that conversation with him, I focused on the board once again, while occasionally nodding when he said a fact about the person he was talking about.
"It wouldn't be bad if they take it seriously," for some reason, Sorge's voice had started to dominate my attention once again. Saglit ko siyang tiningala bago ko ibinalik ang mga mata sa chess board. "Wala na rin naman silang magagawa. Or Ysabel, at least. What the elders want is what they get."
Right there and then - at the period of his seemingly endless blabber - I found myself forgetting the defense that I was supposed to follow. Worse, I found myself mindlessly taking a free pawn and moving it two boxes forward - regardless of the potential danger it might pose to my pieces.
Nang mapindot ko ang orasan ay ibinalik ko ang mga mata kay Sorge. Shivers traveled to my spine upon realizing that his eyes were all on me - flicking gently from time to time, complementing yet another unfamiliar light on his face.
It was as if he was trying to figure out my feelings.
Joke's on him, I guess. Matagal ko nang nakapa ang dapat na maramdaman. If he wanted to see me miserable and insecure, he is already weeks too late.
All of the things that ran out of his mouth - lahat ng iyon, narinig ko nang una kay Stanslaus mismo. In fact, I know more.
Kyra Ysabel Tsai. Only daughter. Youngest child. Took an MBA in London and is currently holding a very honorable position in Wu Holdings. She's two years younger than me and four years younger than Stanslaus - a lucky age distance for a traditional Chinese couple. She knows Sulli. She grew up among the Wus. Everybody in that hell of a family liked her - after all, she was smart, sweet, kind... and Chinese.
She is everything I am not.
"Anyway, just saying," Sorge's voice pulled me back to reality. From an unknown direction, I placed my line of sight back to the board; to my pieces. "What an unfortunate story, honestly."
Unfortunate.
Sorge's fingers touched the king. "You know Amartya, first loves don't always work out," he muttered as he proceeded to castle. "More often than not, first loves are just meant to be lessons in life. So the next time you bump into someone, you'll finally know what to do - and it will hurt less."
This time, it was me who was taken aback. I lifted my gaze up to him, only to be greeted by an apathetic expression directed at the board. Very much in contrast to the words he just offered to me.
Is he trying to console me?
I don't need consoling.
Because in the first place...
"Stanslaus isn't my first love," I clarified.
Natigilan si Sorge. Napaangat muli ng tingin sa akin. Minutes ago, his eyes looked as if they were trying to catch a hint of dismay in me. This time, they were looking as if they were trying to see if I was lying.
But really, I wasn't.
Stanlaus isn't my first love. It doesn't take a heartbeat for me to say that out loud. Matagal nang naging nalinaw sa utak ang puso ko ang katotohanan na iyon. Malinaw na malinaw sa akin kung sino ang tao na iyon.
There was a point in my life when I denied that fact to the brim, but now I can say it to myself confidently.
Stanslaus isn't my first love.
How I wish he was, but really, he wasn't.
And that fact - like my love story with him - is very unfortunate.
"Eh 'di sino?" his inquiry broke the room's silence.
Walang anu-ano'y natawa ako. Hindi ko nga lang sigurado kung sa pang-iintriga niya o sa pagiging balintuna ng sitwasyon naming dalawa. Nevertheless, I grabbed the card I had always wanted to pull on him.
"I think it's none of your business now, Doc Suarez," I told him in a hard tone masked by humor. "Like, you know, how your affairs aren't mine? Kaya 'wag ka nang magtanong."
Nanlamig ako nang mapagtanto ang malalim na paninintig niya sa akin.
"Ah, you don't have to answer," he said, moving his light-squared bishop straight to the pawn I had mindlessly moved a while ago, giving me an early check. "I think I already know."
