All That Bloodshed

Chapter 7: tellin' me to punish you for things you never did

A couple days later Ryouhei found himself waking up in the middle of the night again.

Well, to say he woke up was a bit of an exaggeration. He had risen to that nebulous area of sleep where your eyes were still closed tightly with no plans to open them, but you were aware of what was happening around you and thus, unable to sink back into sleep with any ease.

At first he thought he'd been disturbed by a nurse doing her night rounds — or maybe even a noise from someone else's room — but that didn't seem to be the case. Someone was sitting at the side of his bed and watching him. Was it his father visiting again while he was asleep?

"You've always been more peaceful in sleep. It's like years wash away from your face."

He very nearly jolted, but thankfully he was still trapped enough inside his body via sleep paralysis that his limbs were too heavy to do more than twitch.

That was Chishiya's voice. He hadn't heard it anywhere but his memories since the day he'd first spoken, but that didn't stop him from knowing that it was Chishiya. The medical student had been living in the back of his head ever since he'd seen him. When he was alone, he contemplated why he hadn't seen Chishiya since that first time. Was he avoiding him? Why was he avoiding him?

"Not that it's hard to be more peaceful in sleep. We didn't exactly meet under the best circumstances and then, well... they only got worse, didn't they? They certainly did for you. I wonder what exactly happened to you after we got separated, for you to look the way you did before Niragi decided to try for a shootout."

Chishiya spoke with an ease that Ryouhei had come to associate with him. His voice was deep and had its own rasp to it, although not because of any injury. He had a pondering cadence to his speech, almost like he was musing and observing more than definitively stating anything. There had been nights where Ryouhei had even considered what it would have been like to meet the other boy had he been a citizen of the Borderlands.

He would have done well, surely. His general apathy toward everything combined with his razor sharp intellect? Ryouhei definitely would not want to be on the other side of one of his games. He always struck him as one to be rather sadistic.

"Kuina tells me you're doing better. Speaking more. It's a relief, I think, to know that that place hasn't broken you. You've always managed to survive, even when you shouldn't have. Seeing you like this... so fragile and still feels... wrong."

Based on Chishiya's forthcomingness, there was no way that he knew that Ryouhei was awake enough to hear this. He almost wanted to slip back into deeper sleep, like what Chishiya was saying was too private for even his ears despite the words being directed at him.

Chishiya had never really been vulnerable to Ryouhei. When they'd stayed together briefly before the second stage, they'd had some quiet moments, but nothing that ever made Chishiya seem too fragile or vulnerable. It'd always been Ryouhei who'd admitted weakness. He didn't mind — he'd always been weak so it wasn't like that was news to him. He knew what he was capable of and that he'd never be more than that and that was okay.

A lot of embarrassment and shame went away after surviving the Borderlands for as long as he did. Things just... didn't matter like they used to.

"Out of everyone, I always had a feeling that it would be you who survived."

He heard a creak as Chishiya shifted in his chair.

"I guess I didn't really help all that much with that, huh. Back at The Beach. I... I regret that I betrayed you. If it hadn't been for the 10 of Hearts game, you would have been dead and that would have been on me. I did what I thought I had to do. I didn't... understand. I still can't understand why you don't hate me. Why you didn't take the chance Niragi offered you to settle things with me once and for all."