Luke sighed as he sat backstage, he felt the nerves rush through him.
Luke was the lead singer of a band. A band that had gone on a hiatus five years ago, and he hadn't performed live since. He had associated performing with his ex-partner and bandmate, Ashton.
Six years ago, Luke and Ashton had hit a rough patch that had helped lead them into the creation of their 3rd iconic album, "Youngblood". Five years ago, Luke and Ashton had a nasty break up and shortly after the band went on a hiatus. Since then, they have had no contact with each other.
But now, they were reuniting to celebrate the band's tenth-year anniversary, a gift to the fans that kept the band's memory alive. In fact, two months ago, the fans had managed to get their song, 'Lie to Me' to Number Three on the Billboard charts after six years.
When Luke saw that, he felt a whirlwind of emotions. He was happy that their music was still alive with the fans, but it also stung. "Lie to Me" was the song he had written during a sleepless night when he felt he was losing Ashton, which he was. As Ashton had started seeing a girl called Lana.
During the 'Youngblood' world tour, Lana had recently joined the band's tour crew. Her role was having the responsibility of ensuring the band's needs were satisfied. Luke couldn't help but think that she took her job a bit too literally. As when the tour was nearing its end, Luke had walked into his bathroom backstage and found her on her knees in front of his boyfriend, Ashton. Luke couldn't blame her entirely, though, as it was Ashton who couldn't keep his pants on.
Luke cringes at the memory and stands up. He walks to his table in his dressing room, he grabs a bottle of water and warms up his voice, when there's a knock on the door.
"Hey Luke" Michael says as he walks in, Luke watches him. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I know you've said you are, but this must be a lot, especially after what Ashton did"
Luke nods, taking in Michael's words. Michael was referring to an incident one year after the hiatus when Ashton and their other bandmate, Calum, released an album containing unreleased songs from "Youngblood" along with new tracks that detailed Ashton and Luke's break-up, fights and love life. After the album's release, it had caused a flood of hate messages to Luke's social media pages and direct messages from fans, which led Luke to deactivate his social media accounts and leave that life behind.
"I'm fine" Luke says sternly, determined not to let the past affect him. Michael raises an eyebrow.
"Luke, he was a dickhead!"
"I'm not here for him. I am here for the music, the fans" Luke says, taking a sip of his water.
Before the fights and the major falling out, Luke had been deeply in-love with Ashton, and Ashton was as equally in love with him. They had met and started dating one year before the band formed. During those six years together, Luke felt like he was living in a movie. Two years into the relationship and one year into being in the bad. Ashton had started struggling with an addiction to alcohol and other drugs, their fights became more frequent and intense. Yet Luke couldn't leave him as he loved him more than life itself. It was only after deactivating his social media accounts that Luke began to move on, meaning if he wanted to see Ashton, he would physically have to search for him.
Luke watches a crew member whisper something to Michael, "Well they're waiting. Are we ready then?" Michael asks. Luke sighs and nods.
"Let's give them a show" Luke says with a smile. Michael wraps his arm around Luke's shoulder and they walk to the wings of the stage.
Luke had seen Ashton for the first time in five years yesterday at the rehearsal for this one-night show. He avoided looking at him and when he did look, he made sure Ashton wasn't looking his way. Yet now, he was going to have to interact with him as if everything was fine, as if they were fine.
Ashton was now in the middle of a speech, hyping up the band, thanking crew for this opportunity.
"Let's rock their socks off!" Ashton yells over the chanting of the crowd who are impatiently waiting for them.
He places his hand in the centre of the circle and boys add their hands and they cheer before running on stage. They start performing the setlist with 'Lie to Me' as the closing song of the show.
They perform through the songs, they interact with the fans in between the songs and the fans are loving it. The boys are having fun interacting with each other on stage once again.
As Luke began to perform 'Lie to Me', he sang while reflecting about all the memories he had of writing the album with Ashton. He remembers writing this song in the dining room at two in the morning after an intense argument with Ashton about his substance abuse. He remembers Ashton joining him, getting him a blanket, and them discussing the melodies and rhythms.
He remembers them finishing the song together on their piano in their living room and noticing the sun had already risen. How they rushed to the studio, so excited to share the new song they just made to the band and their producers that very afternoon. He then remembers the day, they released 'Lie to Me' as a single, how Ashton made a toast expressing the large amount of pride he had for Luke and then passionately grabbing Luke's face and making out with him, in front of everyone.
Luke takes himself out of the memories as he launches into the chorus, "Now I wish we never met, cause you're too hard to forget" he sang his voice filled with passion. Filled with the all the intense mixed emotions those memories caused him, he takes his microphone out of the stand.
He turns, facing Ashton directly now and filled with leftover anger, love and sadness, he changes the words slightly so Ashton understands how he felt five years ago.
"While I'm cleaning up your mess, I know you're taking off her dress" he sang, locking eyes with Ashton. Ashton looked at him, "and I know that you don't but if I ask if you love me, I hope you li-li-li-lie to me" Luke continued before turning back to the crowd.
He sings the next verse and the chorus comes around again so he then walks back towards the drums, "I hope you li-li-li-lie to me, Singin" He sings passionately and the crowd could hear the emotions. Ashton's face now had the same emotion written on it, as he too was also transported back to those times he shared with Luke. They now sing in unison, sharing the same experiences, "Li-li-li-lie, li-li-li-li-lie." In that moment, it felt like it was just the two of them, back in their living room, lost in their own world as Luke continued to sing directly to Ashton.
"and I know that you don't" he sang softer than before, and Ashton, caught in the moment, harmonises with Luke, "But if I ask you if you love me, I hope you li-li-li-lie to me"
"Lie to me" Luke softly sang, his voice filled with emotion. He blinks away the tears that formed, pulling the microphone away and his eyes are still locked in with Ashton's. In that moment, all the love and memories they shared flooded them both.
The crowd erupts in cheers, breaking Luke out of the trance. He turns back around and wipes his eyes.
"Thank you for having us tonight, that's the end of our show" Ashton says, and the fans let out an appreciative "aww." He continues, "Before we go, I just wanted to thank you all for being there for us through the good times and the hard times. I know I haven't been the best person but I want to be the best for you" he says, as his gaze shifts onto Luke for the last part. He looks back out again, "I want to be the best for you all. We as a band want to be at our best because I think I speak for all of us when I say that I don't want this to be a one-night thing. I want to keep singing with you all, I want to keep having nights like this night, over and over again"
The crowd erupts into cheers once more, and Ashton wipes a tear away, "Thank you all so much, have a good night!"
He gets up from his drum kit and joins the boys at the front of the stage. Together they bow and wave to fans. Michael tosses his guitar pit into the crowd, Luke doing the same. Ashton throws his drumsticks and Calum interacts with a few fans before they walk off stage.
In Calum's dressing room, they stand together in their own little circle as crew and family watch from the side. Michael makes a speech, as they each hold up a glass of champagne, except for Ashton, who holds a glass of water. Michael finishes the speech and they clink the glasses together, celebrating the show and how they will officially continue the band starting from tonight.
After a few minutes, Ashton takes a deep breath before walking to Luke. Even though he had started to move on during the five years they hadn't seen each other, he couldn't deny that he still had strong lingering feelings for Luke. Tonight, on stage, as Luke sang with so much passion and looked at him, Ashton could confirm that he was still in love with him. He just hoped that Luke didn't hate him, for everything he had put him through.
Ashton noticed Luke talking to Michael's mum, he smiled politely at her before grabbing Luke's hand and leading him out the room.
Now they stood outside, facing each other and Ashton felt the words fall out his mouth before he could process what was happening.
"I'm sorry, I know I was a mess, and a dickhead. I treated you badly but I haven't loved anyone else because I can't, Luke. It's only been you" his voice filled with regret and hope that Luke could understand.
Luke takes a deep breath, his eyes reflecting confusion, anger, love he was still feeling, "But Lana" he hesitated.
"I was with Lana because I didn't feel good enough for you, Luke" Ashton confesses. "During those years, we were so young and suddenly famous, and I got caught up in the party scene. I wasn't sober, and I was always moody. I lost everyone because they had given up on me. Yet you never did. I was so mad because you were my one perfect thing in life and I hated myself. I was with Lana because I wanted you to hate me the same way I hated me and I needed you to see that you deserved better"
With a heartfelt smile and tears in his eyes, he continues, "It's stupid, but that's how I used to feel. But I've grown up. I've been sober for three years. I've tried to find you, to apologise, to explain myself. But I heard you wanted a private life, so I left you alone because I didn't want to interrupt your life. But, God, Luke. I've missed you every single day." He pauses and catches his breath and clears his throat.
"And, I would never wish we'd never met" he smiles and Luke couldn't help letting out a soft chuckle at Ashton's reference.
"Ash, if you're serious. If you not lying to me, then I would love to be with you again as well. But we can't get to that bad state again, I wouldn't be able to do it again" Luke says seriously. "So if we really want to try this again, I need you to promise me that if there's an issue we need to have conversations and discuss it in a healthy manner" and he sighs, "because I've missed you every single day too" he gives a small smile.
Ashton nods and he holds Luke's hands. "I promise you that we will talk it out and we will because I love you Luke"
"I love you too" Luke says and Ashton pulls Luke into a tight hug. Luke pulls out the hug and they lock eyes once again, Luke then throws his arms around Ashton's neck and they kiss passionately.
They walk back into the room and celebrate with everyone once again. Not leaving each other's side as they spend the rest of the night discussing what the past five years without each other were like and reconnecting.
The fourth 5SOS album came out the next year, let's just say it was their best one yet because Ashton and Luke had fallen deeply in love with each other once again.
