It was eleven in the morning, Luke sat restlessly at the dinning room table, tapping his foot as he waited for Ashton to emerge from the bedroom.
They were well into their third year of dating, but in the last four months, Luke felt like there was a distance growing between them. Ashton had been avoiding spending time with him and he knew that Ashton hadn't been cheating on him with a person but with time itself. Luke couldn't help but notice Ashton opting for later shifts, extending his own work hours. Even on the days off, Ashton stayed out late, falling into a repetitive cycle of how long Ashton could avoid Luke.
This cycle was making Luke so tired. He needed a partner that would stand by him, someone who genuinely wanted to be in his presence. Instead, he found himself crumbling with Ashton's constant absence, a void which was tearing down his mental well-being. Everyday Luke constantly thought what aspect of himself caused the person he loved most to stay away.
Luke's self-esteem had been at it's worst it had ever been and the relentless cycle of patching up his own mental health had worn Luke down; he was exhausted.
Ashton walks out of the bedroom and settles into the dinning room chair across from Luke, he delves into the breakfast Luke had prepared two hours ago.
"The bacon's a little cold, baby" Ashton mentions looking up at Luke as he chews it. Without acknowledging the statement Luke rose and takes Ashton's plate to the kitchen, placing it inside the microwave.
"Babe?" Ashton questions confused at the attitude as he follows Luke into the kitchen. Luke leans back onto the counter.
"Stop doing that" Luke sighed, meeting Ashton's gaze.
"What?"
"Pretending like you care! You haven't, not for a while" Luke's voice rose, a mixture of frustration and hurt evident. "You haven't called me babe in months. You sit here, acting like we're a happy couple, but the truth is, we haven't been in months!"
As the weight of the words sank in, Luke's voice trembled. The microwave beeped, Luke opened the microwave and handed the plate back to Ashton. Luke's breath hitched and he quickly and silently walked out of the room.
Ashton stood still in the same place, shocked and still processing the confrontation.
Luke locks himself in the bathroom. He faces the reflection in the mirror, he noticed his tear-stained eyes and the soft pink hues in his eyes hinting at his sadness. He notices his complexion is sickly pale, his stubble is unshaven and his hair is messy.
How had he allowed himself to get to this point. Was it because he'd been trying so hard to get Ashton's attention, showing how much, he cared, that he forgot about himself. He loved Ashton deeply, but now, looking at his worn-out reflection, he wondered if he'd been in love with the idea of Ashton or the Ashton he met three years ago. Their short conversation a few minutes ago, made him realise it was the longest they had a conversation for over the past two weeks.
Two knocks on the bathroom door interrupted Luke's thoughts.
"Lu? Are you okay?" Ashton's voice drifted through the door as he leaned against the other side, guilt was filling Ashton as he failed to notice how broken his lover was.
Luke eased the door open, and Ashton instinctively took a step back.
"You're losing me" Luke uttered softly, sadness filling his voice causing a small furrow on Ashton's face.
"I don't understand"
"I know you don't" Luke says, his tone heavy with regret, "I can't keep fighting for you to love me"
"I do love you Luke!" Ashton passionately says.
"Do you?" Luke's voice trembled with hurt. "When was the last time we hugged or kissed? When did we last go out together? When was the last time you said 'I love you' and truly mean it?"
Ashton shook his head in uncertainty "I know I've been working late but- "
"And those nights you're out until the sun rises" Luke interrupts.
There was a moment of silence as Ashton gathered his thoughts, finally exhaling deeply,
"Babe, I love you, and I haven't been my best lately"
"No, Ashton. We've been here before. We promise to improve, but it never works. I'm exhausted, Ash. I'm really fucking tired. I can't be the only one fighting for us" Luke's voice quivered with weariness.
"Luke-"
"I just wish you'd done something sooner babe" Luke says, moving past Ashton toward the bedroom, pulling out a suitcase and starting to pack. Ashton had followed but could only watch in silence, he shakes his head.
"Luke, please don't go. I need you" he pleaded.
"No you don't" Luke says and continues to pack. "Look at us, Ash! I'm packing, and you're just watching. Don't you see?" he raises his voice.
"If this had been you leaving, I would've said something, risked anything to stop you. But from you, I get nothing" Luke says frustrated as he finished packing, Ashton remains quiet as he stares towards the floor.
"Say something!" Luke shouts with desperation in his tone, Ashton shakes his head, he looks up meeting Luke's gaze with tears in his eyes and he swallowed hard.
"Luke, I never stopped loving you. The only person I stopped loving was myself. I took more shifts to distract myself from the thought that someone as wonderful as you doesn't deserve someone as fucked up as me" Ashton confesses, fighting back a sob.
"I avoided you because I knew you deserved better. I should've spoken up when these feelings emerged, but Luke, the reason I can't speak now is that I realise I lost you long ago, and I'm sorry" Ashton's voice wavered.
"Ashton, you should've told me" Luke's tone softens, wiping his own tears.
"I know"
"I don't know what to do" Luke admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"I think we're breaking up now, Lu" Ashton says, a tear streaming down his face as he sat beside him.
"I'm sorry" Luke's voice cracked.
"I'm sorry too" Ashton says and lets out a sob. For a few moments, they sat in silence, taking in the memories that shaped them over the past three years, the happiness, love, laughter, fights and now sadness.
"Goodbye Ashton" Luke says softly, breaking the silence as he stood up, taking his suitcase in one hand and leaves.
"Goodbye Luke" Ashton says and lets out a sob, as he leans forwards and cries into his hands as he stays seated on the edge of the bed.
Luke walks down the hallway, taking in the space one last time. Before he opens the front door, he paused lingering for a moment taking in the memories one last time. A single tear slipped down Ashton' cheek, as he laid back on the bed they once shared, his heart aching as he listened to Luke's steps move further away. With a deep breath, Luke opened the door and left.
The sound of the closing door echoed in both their minds, an echo in which ended their journey together, a memory which would remind them in what might have been if they worked harder for each other.
