Azure Blossoms [SMG34 Hanahaki AU]

world of colors

POV: Third person

Tell him.

SMG3's whole body was trembling. He didn't know why this always happened to him, why did he always feel so bad after he was mean to people?

He was meant to be a villain. A cold, heartless villain. And here he was reflecting on every single time he'd accidentally ended a friendship with, every time he had to break a promise to someone against his will, every regret he had...

Tell him how you feel.

Three hated getting emotional for no reason. It happened a lot, and he was glad hardly anyone got to see him collapse into bed after even just an hour of masking or feel terrible about something out of his control. He felt so weak now remembering how SMG4 saw his breakdown yesterday, and how different and weird he really was off-camera...

He really got the short end of the stick in life, huh?

It was 6:43 A.M, and SMG4 was probably still asleep, but Three forgot about that. There was too much on his mind crowded with hyperfixations and conversations and meaningless memories from 8 years ago that were stuck in his head for absolutely no reason. He trudged out of bed and grabbed his phone, struggling to read any text at all while his eyes were still adjusting to the harsh blue light when he had just gotten up.

SMG3: sorry i didnt say anything yesterday

SMG3: i was tired and just thinkin abt life n shit

SMG3: hanahaki came back

Would that worry Four?

SMG3: im fine tho now

Three set down his phone and forced himself to get out of bed, the "narrator" in his head giving commands. God, he hated that voice in his mind. 

Get up again.

Try to not hate your reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Wash your face.

Brush your teeth.

Comb your hair.

Stop being so fucking negative you piece of shit.

Drink some water.

No, not anything else. Water.

Stay on track.

Don't look at your phone, your art, your thoughts. You'll end up falling down a rabbit hole or some stupid shit like you always do, SMG3. You've been alive for over two decades, you should know how to live.

Stay awake. Stay aware of your existence. Don't let your thoughts and experiences feel hazy at all.

Try not to forget that everyone else is living as real and vivid of a life as you are.

That last command was a newer addition. Most of his life, he felt like he was in a dream. Like he was the only one there, because his thoughts were the only ones he could hear. He'd obviously known that wasn't the case but it was so hard to even begin to imagine what this was like from anyone else's point of view.

Feed Eggdog.

Leave your shitty Starbucks-

No, for more than a minute.

Get into the realm of the living. Why not go out into the city?

Or, you know.

You could just stay here like the introverted weirdo you know you are, SMG3.

Why was the narrator in his head so mean?

Why...was he so mean to himself?

Why couldn't he just fucking turn off his thoughts at all?!

Three's phone buzzed with a message from Four, interrupting his maybe-depression-but-he-wasn't-sure-so-it-was-probably-related-to-his-disorder spiral.

SMG4: Oh np

SMG4: Im sorry i kept asking you abt the hanahkahi crap

SMG4: *hanahaki

SMG3: sorry i overreacted, think i might visit the showgrounds soon

SMG4: Really? ok uhh i think mario, bob, meggy, tari, and saiko r here rn

SMG3: cool

"Cool"?

What kind of loser says "cool" to that?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts for a second and opened a portal to the city, where I just wandered around for a little while before coming to the park and sitting down. The clouds floated above me, blending into the sky, and I just sat there for a while, looking up at the colorless blanket of dark gray.

Burn this into your memory, it could be the last time you see a gloomy sky...

I looked around me, the world of colors was usually so bright and happy. I tried thinking back to when I was with SMG4 and we were here holding hands...

Burn that into your memory, that thrill, I instructed myself. Remember how carefree you felt. Remember how exciting and bright and hopeful that was, even if you didn't let much of that show.

The city lights were clear in my mind, with all the flashing neon and loud sounds and things that would've normally made SMG3 try to mask or would overload his mind.

But in that moment, Three remembered, the only thing he heard were the sounds of his own heartbeat, Four's laugh, and the calming hum of Meme Energy in the air around them.

...

That's what Meme Energy sounds like. You can only hear it if you're listening for it.

...

Commit that sound to memory.

...

Shouldn't I be at the Showgrounds soon...?

~~~

POV: Following SMG4's thoughts

So what if he had stupid, complex feelings for SMG3. Friendship and annoyance and something more all at the same time, filling up his goddamn head!

Four honestly didn't know what the fuck was going on. He felt horrible for grilling Three about who he liked, but it was something they needed to know... and why had he felt so unnaturally lonely and empty when he was away from his counterpart?

Just our dumb Meme Guardian link, he thought. Probably.

Wouldn't that mean that SMG3 also missed him though...? And our emotions barely affect each other at all, anyway...

"Hey." Well, speak of the devil. "I'm here. Impressive, considering how little energy I have right now, hah. Where is everyone?" Three asked, stepping through a distorted Internet Graveyard portal.

Four glanced over at the gaming room. "They're playing Super Smash Bros, since Tari wanted to play Animal Crossing and Bob wanted to play a totally legal and legit game called Super Smash Each Other In The Ass Bros, they had to compromise!" 

Argh! That sounded weird, why was I so enthusiastic?! And why was every thought in my head going through my mind so quickly?! Four thought.

"Huh, sounds like Bob," Three chuckled. "Guess I'll go see who's winning."

SMG4 watched SMG3 enter the other room, before sprinting into the kitchen. He threw open the cabinets, grabbed a chocolate bar, and ate it to keep his ear-splitting screams inside his head instead of letting them into the real world.

Why was I so fucking awkward...

~~~

HELLLLLLOOOOOOO AUTHOR NOTE TIME

yes i self projected way too much :3

ANYGAYS i dont wanna change it with my healthy, un-tainted thoughts from right now so I'll keep in the autistic insecurities