Honey and Hope

Astarion

I had been such a selfish asshole.I saw the bruises I'd made on her delicate skin. They would darken further come morning. I wanted to kick my own ass for letting myself get  wrapped up in my own bullshit. I hadn't been careful and she had suffered for it.

The fact she let me abuse her body in that way,  knowing I was out of control.She took it all,she didn't complain and even tried to comfort me afterwards. I felt sick to my stomach.

Halsin was furious with me about it too. He was watching her sleeping peacefully on my chest.He didn't speak about it while she was awake,as he didn't wish to upset her.

" You and I will be talking soon." Halsin growled at me as he reached over to gently stroke her pale cheek.

" I know. I deserve whatever venom you wish to dish out. Let me bring her to the tent and then we can talk. Wait for me here. I'll be just a few moments."

Halsin nodded gruffly as I scooped our shared love gently into my arms. I was careful not to wake her.

She moaned before settling herself more easily in my arms again.

I didn't deserve her love. She was everything that I was not. She was kind,generous and loving.

I was a monster. Selfish and cruel. I couldn't really even blame it on my conversion to becoming a vampire. I had a cruel streak in me when I was still just an elf. I had passed down some vicious rulings as a magistrate in Baldur's Gate and I hadn't given it another thought. I hadn't cared who I'd hurt,what lives I'd destroyed. I had only wanted power.

That cruelty had only escalated after being turned,being enslaved and treated worse than the hounds Cazador kept. I was a very broken male, I wasn't even sure I knew how to be different.

I shook myself,I didn't want to think about the past anymore. Not while I should be planning a future.

I was struggling to understand how Minnara saw anything redeemable in me, Halsin too.

When I'd first met Minnara I had tried to manipulate her,wanting to secure myself an alliance and a place with these people.

I had no intentions of starting a real relationship with anyone. I didn't even know what a real relationship could be.  It is an entirely foreign concept for someone like me. Someone who uses people for personal gain. I never let my feelings get involved. At least that was how it had always been until her. I fell hard and fast for this little warlock.Her love and beautiful heart brought me Halsin soon afterwards too.

She has wound herself so deeply in my heart and mind that I do not want to see a future without her. It would hurt to lose Halsin, but I could survive that. But should she ever came to her senses and decide she was done with me, I will walk myself into the sun instantly because I wouldn't be living after her anyway.

Gale saw me approaching the tent carrying Minnara. I wanted to gouge out his eyes for looking at her. I hadn't thought to try to cover her up and was berating myself for my stupidity. When Gale started to say something to me I glared at him. My expression telling him very plainly, if he woke her up,I'd murder him. He smartly shut up and let me pass without saying a word.

I pushed inside our shared tent. Moving swiftly over to the bed, I settled her carefully onto the soft mattress. She started to stir and I held my breath,not even daring to move.

When she stilled again, I wrapped her gently in a warm blanket and fought the temptation to kiss her. I would forgo my desire because she needed to rest and recover.

With one last look,I left her sleeping alone to go face the verbal lashing I was expecting from Halsin.

Back in the glade I found Halsin pacing. He hadn't bothered redressing himself,he was unashamed about his nudity. He'd likely never bother with clothing if only the others were more open minded. I certainly didn't mind the view.