My Husbands Mistake

Plans

Chaya

Opening my eyes must have been the hardest thing I've ever done, I could feel the strain on them caused by the hours I spent crying into my childhood pillowcase. Something I very often did when I was in high school, was the few times me and Sebastian would disagree. Now, it wasn't simply just a disagreement but a damaging action that could never be taken back.

Dragging my eyes open I noticed Rita lying next to me. Her eyes closed and her breathing low and even, evidence that she was once again asleep. She must have crept into bed with me last night after waking. Rita was bound to be out for most of the morning with a nap in the afternoon. Just like me... 

I flipped my phone over to check the time, it was odd that my parents hadn't woken me up if the girls were up. Notifications were filling my screen and the urge to read my husband's texts had been strong but I remembered to keep my head up and move forward. 10:22, my god. My parents really did let me sleep. Having Rita in bed really gave me no indication of the time, however, I didn't expect it to be this late. The house was quiet, which was unsettling because when Maya was up there was always noise somewhere in the house. 

Shifting Rita over on the bed was harder than expected, her little arms clung to me, like she knew how much pain I was in and her embrace would somehow take it away. 

Although I wish it would, I knew no amount of love from my girls would ease the pain in my heart. 

My phone started to buzz on the nightstand, I knew without looking it was my husband still trying to negotiate with me. He couldn't understand that I would never compromise the vows we took as husband and wife. One, in particular, which he broke. 

Grabbing my phone I quietly went downstairs to the kitchen. I needed a coffee after realizing my life had turned into a complete shitshow. Watching the drip of the coffee machine was a different kind of therapy, I lost myself in my thoughts. My mental to-do list was being made, the most important thing on the list was contacting a lawyer. I longed to get the divorce in progress to move on with my life. 

But, of course, I would never truly escape Sebastian because of our girls, I would be permanently stuck in a loop with my ludicrous husband. My only hope is to establish a decent co-parenting relationship at least. In the back of my head, I knew that was unlikely, my husband was a hot-headed and temperamental man and I knew I would be lucky to get out of this marriage without a lawsuit against me for some stupid reason.

I still loved Sebastian with every fibre of my being but I was uncertain we could move past his actions. Our girls would not grow up with a happy family, only two parents who were constantly fighting over their father's mistake, if it even was a mistake. 

One thing I never wanted to admit to anyone was that in the last months with the feeling of an oncoming deception, I had contacted a lawyer. I was scared, and I still am. But I can't sit around and wait for my husband to take all the action in life. I didn't achieve my goals, I had a degree in veterinary assistance, and I always loved animals. My husband, however, hated any animal, didn't want to see them and refused to have one in "his" house. I suppose it was his house because he hated animals so much he didn't want me working. It was only in the last few months when he was so absent that I realized how much I gave up for him, I threw my whole life away so that he could work, he could start and maintain his company. He wanted me to stay around the house and look after the girls. That part I didn't hate, I loved being so involved in their lives, that their father barely had any part in, but I missed independence and I was finally going to take it.