Under the Same Moon | Levi x OC

Chapter 16 - Morning

Levi

"Sorry!" Anya cried, as Levi grabbed her shoulders to stop her toppling over.
"Watch where you're going," he said, ruffled. How did she have enough energy to run around so early, given what happened the day before?
"Now, is that any way to speak to your new Captain?" she asked, though she didn't appear annoyed in the slightest.
"Huh?"
"You're the first member of my new, elite squad."
"I thought you didn't want a squad."
"I changed my mind."
He studied her. She looked tired and strained, her face painted with shadows, and yet she was smiling at him.
"I see. Who else is in the squad?"
"Uh... Currently, just you and me. So, I'm Captain Anya now. Or...I will be when the Commander makes it official at the end of the week."
He couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips in response to her enthusiasm, and he was surprised. Last night, he didn't think he'd ever smile again and yet, somehow, she had brought one out of him within moments.
"Congratulations."
"Thanks. Have you eaten yet?"
"No," he replied. "I don't really feel hungry."
"Me neither," she confessed. "We gotta eat though. Come on."
She grabbed him by the arm without any reservations in the slightest and led him to the mess hall, which was decidedly more subdued than it had been the morning before.
He watched as her smile faltered, just for a second, as a memory passed through her mind like a cloud across the sun.
"Want some tea?" he asked her.
"That'd be good," she said, sounding relieved. "I'll sort the food."
He went to grab two cups of tea and then waited for her at an empty table. He watched as she stopped to check on various soldiers as she made her way back to him.
"Here we are," she said, setting their trays down.
"Thanks," he replied, eyeing the eggs, biscuits, and apple on each plate with disdain.
Anya took a sip of tea and began to eat, though he could tell she took no real pleasure in it.
"How did you sleep?" she asked.
"I didn't."
"I doubt you're the only one. I only got a few hours. Shitty dreams, too."
He slowly drank some of his tea, letting it warm him from within.
"What happens now?" he asked.
"The senior officers discuss what went wrong and why, and plan how to improve our chances of success for next time. We restructure to make up for the losses, and we carry on."
"Just like that."
"Yes," she replied, frowning. "What else is there to do?"
"Tell me; what, exactly, is the purpose of the Scout Regiment?" he found himself asking, arching an eyebrow.
"Our task is to try and discover what lies beyond the walls. To determine whether or not we truly are the last remnants of humanity. To destroy Titans so that one day, we might be free of them. We are the last hope for humanity," she said, suddenly becoming impassioned in spite of her melancholia. It was as though she physically couldn't help it. As though the core mantra of the Scouts had somehow been absorbed into her soul. He'd seen the same passion in some of the others, and it fascinated him.
"Okay, okay; I get it."
"Good. It's important to know what you're fighting for."
"Is it normal...to lose as many as we did yesterday?"
She gave him a hard stare, as though considering whether or not to tell him the truth.
"We've never returned with 100% of the people we set out with," she admitted. "As you know, I've been in the Scouts for almost ten years. The amount of comrades I've seen perish over those ten years... I've lost count."
He paused, holding his fork in mid-air. "Seriously?"
"Yes. I'm not going to keep it from you, Levi. What you've signed up for... Many people regard it as suicide."
"It's still got to be better than living in the Underground... Right?"
"Well, I think so."
They ate their breakfast in silence after that, though Levi's mind was far from relaxed. He still wanted to understand why Anya had joined the Scouts, and he couldn't quite comprehend how she could still be so cheerful after all of the grief she must have suffered over the years.
Eventually, she stood up, pocketing her apple for later.
"I'm done," she announced. He finished his tea and got up to follow her, much to her confusion. "Huh? Don't you want to stay here a while?"
"I thought I was coming with you, considering I'm in your squad now," he said.
"Oh..." She clicked her tongue, thinking. "You don't have to. You should try and get some sleep."
"What are you going to do?"
"My job today... is to visit the families of those we lost yesterday and tell them that their sons, daughters, brothers and sisters didn't die in vain."
He felt his eyes widen and his lips part in shock. It seemed to be becoming a regular occurrence around her. He trailed after Anya as she returned her tray to the kitchen and went outside to the courtyard.
"That's one hell of a shitty job," he managed to say. "Isn't anyone going to go with you?"
She shook her head. "No, I usually do it alone."
"You mean...you've done this before?"
"I do it every time, unless I've returned injured and physically can't go."
"Why you?"
"I volunteer," she said. "It's the least I can do."
"Huh? You're not the reason your comrades die, Anya."
"I know, but... I survive. They don't. I'm grateful for that, and I want to do what I can to honour them. So, I'll be back later. In the meantime...you really should try and get some sleep."
She began to walk away, only to turn back when she realised that he was still following her.
"Did you need something?"
"I'm coming with you."
"But...you didn't know them. And you've just lost your friends. You need time to yourself to grieve; you don't need to be made even more depressed by seeing other people grieving, too. All that sorrow...it gets heavy."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"You lost your friends too. Visiting all their families isn't going to make you feel great, either."
She paused, unsure. "You have a point, but... Someone has to do it."
"That person doesn't have to do it alone, though."
She pursed her lips, then suddenly become all business.
"All right. If you're sure you want to come with me, you can, but if you want to stop and come back here at any point, I won't be offended. We'll have to take horses. A lot of the families don't live in Trost. I also need to call by the medics to check if anyone has any messages that they'd like me to pass along."
She took out a huge list of names and frowned at it. Levi simply stared. There were a hell of a lot of families to visit.
"I think the Commander has had it written in order, so that the families are arranged by location." She turned to him, looking conflicted.
"Levi, what I do...it's not just for the benefit of the families. I'm going to be open about this, so we're clear. It serves a second, welcome purpose though, when I started, my intention really was just to give something back to the families in mourning. However, by visiting them all, public opinion of the Scouts doesn't dwindle as much as it would if I didn't pay my respects. The Scouts need all the support we can get. Do you judge me for that?"
He considered her for a moment. After everything he had seen her do and say to others, he believed her to be a genuinely good person, but she was also ruthless, and calculating, and cared about the future of her regiment and by default, the whole of humanity. If anything, she was to be admired, not condemned.
"No," he said. "It makes sense."
"Good," she said, folding the list of names up and putting it away. "In that case, let's get going."