Unmistakably Yours (MXM) (MPREG)

Chapter 13

Still devastated about Matthew Perry's passing. He was my comfort character. I can't even get past the prologue of his memoir because it hurts. So much.

Chapter 13

I cupped my cheeks and grabbed a pillow, then buried my face on it to mute my squeals. My heart is still racing from what transpired earlier; the passionate kiss I shared with Mariano in his study. My swollen and tingling lips are proof of that. Because of the silence in my room, I can hear my heartbeat thumping loudly in my chest, my cheeks warming up from recalling what just happened several minutes ago, and the wide grin on my face from the butterflies fluttering in my belly.

There is no use denying it; I like Mariano, romantically. I tried my best to avoid him and kept my distance so I can think clearly, because falling in love is a big deal for me. I do not curse love, but I have seen how my mother got ruined because of love. I could not help but anticipate that if I decide to fall for Mariano and I fall so hard, I would give my everything and he will destroy me if he decides that I am not the right one for him.

With that in mind, I started eating my meals in my room. I only step out of my room when he's not around, but his morning routine never stopped. He always swings by my room to give me flowers. My vase is replaced with fresh flowers every morning. Not only that, there were times when I awoke to muted footfalls behind my door and something warm on my forehead, as if he pressed his lips on it.

I figured that such routine should be stopped so I locked my doors, but the fresh flowers were still left by the door. Every time I see it, my heart aches. I want to ultimately avoid his presence but there is no escape. I successfully avoided having meals with him, which has become our routine as well, and I know that the staff has been suspicious. Thank goodness that they think that it is just a lover's quarrel.

Mariano is not the problem, and I felt guilty for pushing him away whenever he gets close. I am the problem. I have issues that cannot be resolved by mere therapy sessions. Because of what happened to mom, I keep doubting other people's intentions. What if they are just getting close to me because they want something from me? River, Aunt Becca and Tyler? It took me years before I fully convinced myself that they care for me because they love me, and not because they could get something out of me.

That's when my anxiety started to creep in. When Mariano mentioned the elders and the marriage, I was brought back to reality. I was so happy in our own bubble that I forgot that Mariano is being nice because we are putting on a show for everybody. When that realization sank in, I felt a heaviness in my chest and I started to blame myself for having expectations.

Why did I get my hopes up again? Why did I think that Mariano would like me? I got knocked up by some unknown man and I was Mariano's stalker. My record is not that impressive and I should be grateful that I am not in jail or being chopped into pieces for stalking a mafia Don.

I began to doubt Mariano's actions. A thick barrier surrounded my heart and I have become overly suspicious of him. I started overthinking and because of the pregnancy hormones, it was easy for me to dive into depression. That one week was a series of highs and lows for me. I did not contact River or Tyler because I do not want to worry them.

However, I woke up feeling okay today. I was exhausted from overthinking and I fell asleep by three am. Staying up late is not good for my baby, but what can I do when my anxiety works the graveyard shift and my thoughts do not want to leave me alone?

What happened earlier was unexpected. I was just about to get my snacks downstairs when I happened to see Mariano and the rest was history. I am still reeling from the high because of the kiss but now, I am about to experience a drop. Why did Mariano kiss me in the first place? What is his intention? As I began again to question every single act of Mariano, my limbs went all cold and an unpleasant emotion started to rise from the pit of my stomach.