My You | JJK

60| Apology Accepted, Access Denied

It was a regular party on a Sunday evening.

Club music bombarded the ears of the people swaying to it, drinks in their hands, all red and sweaty from the heat.

Iseul preferred Yeonjun's parties to this. His parties didn't have random people stripping naked, nor random men peeing into the pool to see whose stream shot further.

But she was entertained by Taehyung and Yoongi drunkenly singing---ahem---butchering SNSD's Into the New World with an equally drunk Jimin and Hoseok sensually twerking to it with lewd expressions on their faces.

"They're such a mess." Ryujin collapsed onto the loveseat Iseul was sat on. She had been babysitting the boys, ensuring they didn't drink too much, only to fail miserably. "It's funny to see Yoongi piss drunk."

"I know, right." Iseul snorted, taking a sip out of Ryujin's vodka-cranberry. "Where's Yeji?"

"Oh, Kook said she's not coming. She's gone to visit her brother."

"I see."

Iseul's eyes absentmindedly floated over to the said blond.

Namjoon was sat with Jungkook on a couch not too far away, frown lines etched on his forehead as he appeared to listen to a seemingly drunk Jungkook ramble on about something.

"What's up?"

Iseul turned to look at her best friend, "Hmm?"

"What's going on between the two of you?"

"Ryu, I've told you I don't feel the same way about Hobi---"

"I'm not talking about Hobi, I'm talking about Jungkook."

"There's nothing going on."

"What was that longing glance you just gave him then?"

"I was looking at Namjoon, not Goldilocks." She rolled her eyes, proceeding to fully down Ryujin's drink.

She stared at her long and hard before softly speaking up, "Are you sure your feelings for him aren't returning because you're seeing him more often now?"

"Feelings that return are feelings that never left and as far as my feelings for him are concerned, there's zilch."

"Sure, sure." Ryujin leisurely leaned back into her seat. "There's no feelings involved, and that's why you're keeping him at a distance, yeah? Maintaining your boundaries?"

Iseul scoffed, pushing her curls out of her face. "What boundaries?"

"All the bickering, the whole 'I don't give a fuck' attitude, calling him everything but his name. Aren't those boundaries?"

She didn't answer.

"Why do you have them up? Because you're scared he'll do again what he did? Break your heart? Or that you'll do again what you did?"

"And what was it that I did?"

"You gave him your heart."

A moment passed. And two more.

Iseul stood up, smoothing out the creases on her skirt. "You're drunk."

"Might as well be drunk than in denial like you are. Acceptance is the final stage of grief and I don't think you've reached it yet. It's worrying me, Seul."

"I'm going to the bathroom."

And there she stood at the sink, shaking her wet hands to rid them of the water droplets as she stared at herself in the mirror.

The inevitable truth.

She could lie to everyone, but she couldn't lie to herself.

No, she couldn't lie to herself, but she certainly could detain herself from accepting the truth sooner.