Their eyes met. At first only for a split second. Then for one more. And another one. Even though Kanta seemed to try and avoid the others eyes, he couldn't help but stare.
What surprised him though wasn't the staring or weird looks he was given, or better, that they were given, but rather that Ran suddenly stood outside his home with a serious expression resting on his face. "We need to talk." He stated, pushing himself past Kanta. Taken aback, Kanta closed the door with raised eyebrows. "Yes, you can enter. Sure! So glad to see you!" He mocked, watching Ran sit down on the couch. "Why are you here? To continue lying to me and bullshitting?" Now it was Rans turn to raise his eyebrows. "I never lied to you."
"What do you want?" Kanta asked once more, tapping his foot to make sure the younger knew that he better hurried. "I am done. Completely done, Kanta, and I do not get why you won't accept my words. What do you want to hear, huh?" Somehow, Rans words were slurry. His eyelids droopy and pupils big.
Was he drunk? "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you, after all those years, not trust me regarding your sexuality or that you slept with a someone in general?" A pause. Kanta noticed him looking to the floor. Like calculating his options, maybe even intensifly thinking about them. "I am not gay, okay?" "But Maya-" "Yeah, Maya said, Maya knows- No, she doesn't. She doesn't. She knows what she saw, but she isn't thinking, she isn't trying to understand!" Ran interrupted. He was furious.
Therefore, he continued. "Kanta, erase that idea out of your mind." "There were pictures, Ran. I saw how Haruto looked at you! Why are you denying everything? Again?" He shouted, annoyed. Then he noticed how the others eyes widened upon mentioning the name.
"You need to think, Kanta. If I say I am not gay, then simply believe me." "I saw-" "Please, you didn't see shit, Kanta! No one knows shit, not you, not my parents, no one! You wanna know why I didn't attend school, huh? Why I was being, as you call it, lazy? Huh?!" He shouted. Kanta could have sworn he saw tears brim his eyes.
It was obvious that Ran was drinking, especially because he started swaying as soon as he stood up. "I was in the hospital. Some of the times. I tried to kill myself, Kanta. And you know why? Because I never asked for it. I never told him that it would be okay, I never agreed to have sex with him. Get it? Is that what you wanted to hear? That I was raped, multiple times by my own classmate? That I couldn't eat or sleep for days on end? Huh? Is that what you wanted to hear? But oh well, Ran is being so lazy, isn't he? I was not! Understand? I was never lazy, I was traumatised!"
The silence was defeating. Kanta only managed to close his jaw that had dropped to the floor from shock. "Y-you were what? I am so sorry, I didn't know- Oh my god. How can I help you? I am gonna beat that fucker up! Kill him! I don't care! Why the hell-" "That won't help." He nodded.
A thought shot through his head. "Why did you suddenly decide to talk to me, Ran?" And he thought about it too. At least, he tried to because his brain was a bit foggy. Why? He leaned against the wall next to himself, to support his legs and regain balance. "Because Yuki made me realise that talking actually helps." Kanta raised his eyebrows in an impressed manner. "He knew?"
Ran nodded, pushing himself off the wall to head for the door. "Yes. Just recently though. I don't know how long I would have managed to keep going. My parents hate me, everyone in school mocks me and you- I don't know." "I am sorry. I am not angry, Ran. Believe me. If you need something, I am here. I am here for you." "Right. Let's see for how long." His voice was barely above a whisper, therefore Kanta didn't hear any of it.
Once the door opened, Kanta shouted. "Are you gonna go to the police?" A shook of the head. "No one is gonna believe me. See you at school then."
Stunned, Kanta watched the door fall shut and Ran disappear from his line of sight.
