Behind closed doors

Chapter 34

Liv's pov
Yesterday while me and Jenna was watching the comedy movie i had this terrible thought in my head to just get up and ruin everything, ruin my life, Jenna's life and our relationship most of the time when i think like this i get really scared of myself because sometimes i think I might listen to those thoughts and do everything it tells me too.

I'm currently sitting in the bathroom and I have some pills that I got at my party from the boy that gave them to me, I really need to get these stupid thoughts out of my head and that's not gonna work if I'm sober so I decide to take two of the pills, Jenna's out with Katie and Madi, Maybe I'll sober up before she gets here.

Fuck I'm starting to feel it.

_____

"Liv" I heard Jenna's voice

Shit, shit , shit, I don't know how long I been knocked out.

"Liv what is this" Jenna said

I looked at her confused then I looked around the bathroom then back at Jenna to see the bag of pills in her hand.

"Give that back" I said as I tried to stand up off the floor but couldn't.

"Are you seriously taking drugs right now" Jenna said as her tone started to change from worried to pissed.

"N-no I mean fuck baby I'm sorry okay I had to" I said

"No you're fucking stupid you're seriously taking drugs in our house right now Liv" Jenna yelled out.

"Baby please stop yelling" I said as I grabbed my head.

"I can't do this I can't, I can't believe this Liv I thought you we're getting better" Jenna said.

"I am baby I am" I said as I finally got the strength to stand up.

"No you're not Liv if you was you wouldn't be doing this right now" Jenna said

"I'm sorry baby I swear" I said

"no Liv just stop, I can't be around you while you do this to yourself, I can't sit here and watch you destroy your life" Jenna said

"Okay I'll stop" I said

"No j-just go I need a break from you" Jenna said

"No baby it's just I had to get rid of these thoughts" I said as I tried to grab her hand.

"Don't touch me Liv, you can't keep blaming these thoughts for the stuff you're doing and I'm not about to have you around my baby doing this when he gets here" Jenna said

"Our baby" I said

"No my baby, because you don't seem to care about him being you're child when he's born because you're doing shit like this" Jenna said

"Jenna please I'll get help" I said

"Just get away from me Olivia, we need a break and you need to get better before this baby gets here" Jenna said

"Baby please don't do this" I said as my eyes began to get blurry from the tears forming in my eyes.

"Just leave Liv" Jenna said

"You're kicking me out of our house" I said

"Go Liv" Jenna said as she pointed towards the door

"You're just gonna throw me out on the street Jenna" I said

"You need to fucking help liv " Jenna said

"I'll get better but please-"

"Get the fuck out liv" Jenna yelled.

"How am I gonna get help if I'm out somewhere" I said.

" you figure that out now leave" Jenna said.

"I'm not going anywhere" I said

"Fine then I'll go" Jenna said

"No, I'll go okay" I said as I walked out the bathroom and went into the closet and packed a few things in my suitcase and then I grabbed my keys and wallet off the night stand then I headed downstairs, Jenna didn't follow me as I walked out the door, I turned around multiple times to see if she was behind me but she's not, I made my way to my car and got in, I closed my eyes and let the tears run down my face then i crunk my car up and drove off.

Now I don't know where I'm going right now but wherever I end up at it's whatever, I pulled my phone out and called Ariana to see what she's up to.

Apparently she's watching a bunch of episodes of criminal minds but she invited me over to her house but I told her that I wanted to go to the bar and she should come with me, she agreed to it and now I'm on my way to the bar and she's gonna meet me there.

____

I'm now sitting at the bar taking a few shots with Ariana , she doesn't know what's going on with me and I'm not going to tell her so I had to change my mood and act like I'm having fun when really I'm not.

"Firecracker you want some tequila" Ariana asked

"Sure" I said to Ariana , now tequila is the last thing I need right now because i always black out when I drink that but at this point in my life I don't care because I done ruined everything.

"Here" Ariana said as she handed me a shot of tequila and I took it.

"Give me another one" I said

"Woah there firecracker I'm sure Jenna isn't gonna like you being all drunk when you get home" Ariana said

"Well to bad I can't go back home now give me the bottle" I said as I snatched it out of her hand and poured some in my mouth and sat the bottle back down on the counter and stood up

"Wait Liv where you going" Ariana said

"I'm going to have fun" I said as I walked away.

I really don't know where I'm going but I'm letting my feet take me wherever, I walked out the club and started walking on the sidewalk, the sidewalk started get smaller and it slowly started to turn into a road.

"No Liv come back you can't walk in the road with on coming traffic drunk now come on your coming home with me, I have a feeling you're not getting drunk because you wanna have fun but instead for something else and whatever it is I'm not about to let you make it worse " Ariana said as she grabbed my arm.