Mahagatha

Worth Everything

Knocking upon Guru Dev's door the last thing Arjun expected was for Guru Dev to smile and it was not his usual smiles filled with pride due to his students’ achievements.

No this one was filled with a lot more emotion, all held together in one simple expression, one that Arjun couldn’t even begin to decipher.

His smile told a tale of treachery, betrayal, loss, humiliation and finally satisfaction. Satisfaction earned from making ones enemy bleed.

Hitting them where one knew it didn’t only hurt but ached not unlike a wound left open.

Bowing to Guru Dev along with his brothers Arjun was not sure how to proceed from here.


Were they expected to stand in silence as their Guru Dev humiliated the Panchal Naresh for the slight, the humiliation the King had caused him? If so, then Arjun couldn’t just simply stand, no he couldn’t.

Alas, Guru Dev saved him from this dilemma by dismissing all of them.

Silently all of them walked shoulder to shoulder, yet blades ready to strike. In this family made by blood of others there was no trust.

The Crown on their head was one made of bones, held together by ashes.

And it hurt so much to see what they were now and what they had been what they could have been.

Nakul held onto Sahdev’s hand discreetly, needing the comfort the gesture provided, yet not willing to show this weakness in front of their cousins. 

‘What happened to us?’
The question rang in Nakul’s mind time to time. Yet, it’s echo muffled, it’s sound ignored each and every time.

It hurt.

It hurt so much to see those with whom you had spent your most precious years on earth with standing like enemies in front you.

And that was not all. Something had changed when and how Nakul did not know but something had.

Even between the Pandavas. Perhaps it was the way Yu-da looked at the crown with pure dread.

Or how the childhood rivalry between Bheem-da and Bhrata Duryodhan had turned into hostility, or maybe in the intense grief in Pitamaah’s eyes.

His grief was so so profound, he mourned as if he was not mourning something already lost but something that was going to shatter.

Or maybe it was the inherent disconnect that was felt between Aru-da and all of them.

How Aru-da spent his days with the Kauravs smiling. Yet, too afraid to even look them in the eyes.

Nakul didn’t know why and he didn’t know how to heal this how to fix this.

Nakul had always taken pride in healing others but how oh just how do you heal what was not even broken in the first place?

A tug at his sleeves made their arrival at the Castle clear, courtesy of Dev.

Nakul let go, now walking towards Aru-da as he tapped his shoulder.

A questioning look was his answer.

In between these silent walls where once cheerful cries filled with joy echoed now silence reigned supreme.


The past haunted them with its irony, the future terrified them with it’s uncertainty and the present trapped them with it’s certainty.

“Nakul? Anuj, what is wrong?”
With a concerned expression, and worried tone Arjun questioned his second youngest brother.

“Have we done something wrong?”
A nonchalant tone was what the question was spoken with.

Yet, the expression of sheer guilt, pain and misery contrasted with the calm image Nakul tried to portray.


This single sentence while quiet as a silent breeze in it’s volume, it was as loud as an unleashed tornado in it’s impact.

And a tornado is not felt, it forces you to live with it.
Ears sharpening the rest of the Pandavas and Kauravs listened closely as the storm grew stronger and stronger.


“What?”
“No, of course not, why would you think that?”

Arjun replied almost frantic.

“What else am I supposed to think? You choose those Kauravs over us, teaching them, spending time with them! Not us! Why? Why won’t you love us, dada?”
The first part was almost aggressive in its grief, the second however was heartbreaking in it’s sheer sadness.

Oh.

OH.

Arjun had not meant to come of as negligent towards his younger siblings, he just wanted to spend time with his little cousins before he had to burry them.

Arjun had been the one to ensure those little ones didn’t fall off from some tree during their playfulness,  watching those very same children slowly breathe their last, slowly watch the light fade away from their eyes at the end of his arrows……

He did not deserve the adoration and admiration they showered him with, but he wanted it all the same.

In all this, he had thought that his own younger siblings would not mind since even if he spent these years catering to their cousins, why should they mind when he would spend the rest of his life taking care of them?

Yet he forgot, childhood never came back.

These years were when his family, his siblings needed him most.

But what could Arjun do?

He didn’t want to choose.

“Dada! Just why?”
In all this Nakul had not stopped crying, his hands now grasped Arjun’s robe, like he had done when he had first learnt to walk.

  Arjun had supported him all the way, being the shield his little brother needed him to be.

Nakul’s eyes were filled with tears, crying as he was. Desperate in his grief, anger in his loneliness.

Slowly, gently Arjun’s hand came up to his brother’s shoulders encompassing him in a hug.

Slowly stretching one arm out to invite Sahdev.


He jumped into the hug as if he needed it more than air.

“I’m sorry.”
“You are not allowed to ever do that again!”
Spoke Nakul with a determination never heard before while Sahdev nodded with a fervor to support Nakul’s claim.


“Are you not missing some people?”

Came the playful voice of Yuyutsu.

Standing behind him were some other cousins of theirs, sheepish in the unconcealed worry their eyes showed.

“Come in!”

Spoke Nakul with joy, his previous envy had not stemmed from the fact that it were the Kauravs who received his Aru-da’s affections.

No, it was the fact that only Kauravs received those affections.

With a laugh at Nakul’s joy, the Kauravs also joined in.

This was ridiculous,  way too many children at one place hugging everyone. Yet, it was the most happy sight the Castle had borne witness to in the previous decade or so.

And the only happy sight it would bore witness to in years to come.

In one corner stood Yudhishthir and Duryodhan calmly observing never stepping in.

One calm and content, the other apprehensive and worried.

“How heartwarming, no? Anuj Duryodhan?”

“Yes Bhratashri.”

A monotone voice replied with a deadpan expression clearly showing his disapproval.


“There’s nothing wrong with that, stop looking so sour. We both are elder brothers. Is it not our duty to ensure that they remain happy? What is the need for this competition for a Crown neither you nor I want?”

“I don’t want the Crown, true. But my father? I will do what it takes to earn his approval. Unlike you, I was not blessed with a loving father, Bhratashri. But he’s my father, nonetheless. And I’ll do what it takes to earn his approval.”

With that declaration Duryodhan left the scene his robes bellowing behind him as Yudhishthir continued to look down at his younger siblings.

If he could keep them like this, happy smiling, laughing then Yudhishthir would also do what it takes.  He just hoped it didn’t take his Dharma.

Who was he to criticize Duryodhan? Somethings were worth everything for.


Night fell upon the Castle of Hastinapur, as all the other residents slept, a servant entered the Kings quarters bowing he waited for his orders.

“This servant awaits, His Majesty’s command.”

The King remained seated, his exhaustion showing, his hair disheveled and worry in his eyes.

He gave his orders in the same authoritative, yet, strained tone.

“Announce that the selection for the future Crown Prince shall begin.”

Aside him, Bheeshm stood hands crossed a look of frustration while Shakuni continued to play with his dice as always.


Shock coursing through him, the servant replied.

“As His Majesty commands.”

And he left the quarter’s hoping that Hastinapur would be ready for this challenge.
The darkening sky an ill omen, the thundering clouds like a premonition.


Arjun’s mouth opened his mouth and began singing in a soft, gentle tone. He sang like a warrior used a well loved blade, without a thought as if those words were ones he had sang a million times. 


“लल्ला मेरे, सोजा,  स्वप्न कि दुनिया में चल तारों के संग।
परियां दिखा रही रास्ता, चल मेरे लल्ला
रक्षा करु मैं तेरी, मेरी आँखों के तारे।”

His younger siblings stopped turning in and about from whichever nightmarish vision of the future he had been caught in.

They did not need to he burdened by what Arjun had put into motion.

Out he walked from their quarters, steeling his heart hoping, praying but alas the only God who ever answered his prayers was not in Heaven.