Tainted (Criminal Minds / One Chicago FanFic)

Chapter 7 (Edited)

Alexa Hotchner's Apartment Chicago Illinois 

Alexa's eyes watered, as she was wrapped in a tight hug she recognized. "Sweetheart listen to me, there's nothing you could've done that would've changed what happened... Nothing," Her dad said before he kissed her forehead.

"With the amount of blood loss, she suffered, even if you'd packed the wounds more. She was gone before you got there, like your dad said there's nothing you could've done to prevent it. Therefore you can't and shouldn't blame yourself, Alexa," Spencer said causing her to nod slowly as she wiped away her tears.

The room was quiet as Alexa took a sharp breath in and let a shakey breath out. "Over the last couple weeks, I feel disconnected like I'm here but I'm not mentally here or I just feel like I'm drowning..." Alexa took another jagged breath in as her eyes watered as she tried to explain how she felt. "like someone's, choking me and won't, let go," she tried to explain as she tried to take another shaky breath in. "Honey, you just gotta try to take a breath," her dad told her, The moment she took a breath she started crying uncontrollably.

Her dad pulled her into a hug rubbing her back as she cried on his shoulder. "I got you, sweetheart, it's gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay," he dad said softly holding her as she cried. "i-i'm sorry I l-left - Shhh don't worry about that right now, just try to take a deep breath," her dad said cutting her off. 

It took 10 minutes for Alexa's sobs to subside and she let out a few shakey breaths. "How is everyone at your new job treating you?" JJ asked as Alexa let go of her dad and wiped her remaining tears away. "Really good so far, plus my ambo partner is really nice," Alexa replied as she walked a few steps and took a seat on her couch. 

After she finally calmed down she was exhausted, between the grief, moving, and shift. Derek walked over and took a seat on the couch next to Alexa who immediately leaned over resting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. Derek leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "You still wanna grab some breakfast Red Gorgeous? I know the best place," Derek asked looking at Alexa. "I'm kinda hungry but mostly tired," Alexa replied still resting her head on Derek's chest trying not to fall asleep. 

Derek looked down at the ginger and started slowly running his fingers through her hair feeling her relax a little. Alexa was trying not to fall asleep but the moment he started playing with her hair she almost instantly fell asleep listening to his heartbeat and each breath he took. 

"JJ and I can grab some doughnuts or coffee down the block? and bring them back here" Emily suggested looking at Derek and Alexa. "The bakery we passed on the way here, I saw that too," JJ replied looking at Emily. "I can set up a movie on the TV, any suggestions? Alexa, what do you wanna watch?" Penelope asked the ginger who didn't move. "Is she?" Spencer asked him, "Out cold," Derek replied as he continued to run his fingers through her hair. "We'll go grab some breakfast for when she wakes up," JJ said looking at Derek and Alexa before heading to the door with Emily. Penelope started working on getting a movie started.

 After what felt like minutes Alexa's eyes opened and she noticed the TV was playing The Godfather, her dad was sitting at the end of the couch and Spencer, Penelope, JJ, and Emily were sitting on the floor with a bunch of pillows and blankets watching the movie. Alexa rubbed her eyes sitting up. "Good morning sleeping beauty, how are you feeling after your nap," Derek asked causing her to notice she was sleeping on him. 

Alexa went to say something when her stomach growled, "Hungry mostly, what time is it?" She asked. "11:23," Spencer replied looking at her, "Here," Emily said passing her a box that held muffins and croissants. Alexa picked up a cheese croissant instantly breaking a piece off and eating it. "Thank you," she said to Emily as she continued eating. 

Alexa let out a yawn still trying to wake up as her eyes watered for the yawn. The ginger only just noticed Spencer was reading the midnight library. Alexa smiled knowing he pulled the book off the coffee table. "I didn't know you had the silent library," Spencer said already almost finished the book. "Yeah, I got it a few months ago. I just started it, so don't spoil anything," Alexa told him. "I won't spoil anything but I will say this is a really good book. I've read it almost a dozen times," Spencer said opening the book again and flipping through page after page. 

Alexa smiled noticing her dad got up heading towards the kitchen, she stood up wanting a coffee after her nap. Alexa softly pressed a kiss on Derek's lips, "I'm gonna make a coffee, want one?" she asked him. "I'm okay, thanks gorgeous," he replied as Alexa sent him a small smile and made her way into the kitchen. 

Her dad was pouring himself a mug of coffee when she walked in, he handed her a mug before pouring another mug of coffee for himself. "Thanks," Alexa said with a small smile as she added cream and sugar to the mug. "How's Jack doing?" she asked him, "Confused and he misses mom and his big sister..." her dad replied earning a small nod from Alexa. "I miss him too, I'll come visit in a couple of weeks in between shifts," she said as her dad smiled. "We'd both love to have you home... Have you talked to anyone about how your feeling?" her dad asked. 

Alexa paused, "I talked to you guys earlier," she replied. "You've gone through a lot in the last few weeks, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to talk to someone," her dad said. "Like a therapist? I'm okay thanks," Alexa replied shutting down the idea instantly. "It doesn't have to be a therapist sweetheart, it could be Derek, myself, or any of your friends, just try and talk to someone... This kind of pain and grief doesn't just go away on its own, it only gets more crippling the more you push it away," her dad replied. 

Alexa took a sip of her coffee, feeling a wave of guilt wash over her. "I'm sorry I've been so distant to you, I shut everyone out, shut down... I gotta remind myself I'm not the only one that lost their mom that day... Y-you lost your wife too," Alexa's words shook as she fought tears. Her dad set his mug down on the counter and pulled the ginger into an embrace. "I'm gonna get back on top of messaging and calling you daily, you know check in so you don't worry," Alexa said. "I'd love that," her dad replied as he kissed the top of her head. 

The two walked back into the sitting room and Alexa sat on the couch next to Derek resting her head back on his shoulder again. Alexa looked around the room and smiled at all her friends and family surrounding her. She felt happy for the first time in weeks it was as if the sun finally broke through weeks of clouds and rain.