Like Clockwork- the songs and poems of a sad, gay, spanglish ghost (Lesbian)

To Fly

I want to fly
See the sky up close
Keep my people close
Meet my lost loved ones and escape
It hurt me when their eyes closed
They'd live to adulthood, even more, I had supposed

I want to fly
To a place where nothing goes awry
To be free
And at peace
Every time I hear those news I freeze
I have fallen to my knees
My chosen family taken so young and cruelly
Pain and rage wants to be unleashed
Yet I linger in the good memories
Lest a dark night of the soul
Can't get a good nigh's sleep
At that fire, I can't throw coal

I want to fly
And tell my best friend that the last season of her favorite Hulu series is coming out
Bring her a tv and watch it with her

But she's no longer with us
As are many others
I know only the good die young by heart
It is sketched there like a poem
No good deed goes unpunished

I want to fly
To tell my fiancée she was my one true love
And we can get married now
She is watching from above
That I know
In my bones
In my songs
The ones I sing and the ones I don't

I want to fly
Tell my uncle I followed in his footsteps
And hope I made him proud

Every day I have to keep marching on
A soldier that did not sign on
Pulling myself up by the bootstraps

I want to fly
Because if I have such a hole inside I should be able to float away
And then fill my stomach with rainbows, nature, butterflies, and the cosmos
When I get to the sky

I want to fly
And not just for a little bit
Forever
But I don't want to die
I refuse to die

Life gets crueler by the second
Will I ever catch a break?

I want to fly and see peaceful sceneries
Will I ever be okay?

I want to fly
Yet I refuse to die
So I'll weave wings out of my grief and power
And visit you in my dreams

How cruel it is to stay, though
Sometimes on behalf of others
When they don't consider me
I'm a ghost that they can't see
A ghost who can't communicate
An outcast and a wallflower
Who wants to break the sky open
To let out the ones we lost
So they can visit us

I want to fly
Higher and higher
Until I finally disappear
From people's cruel thoughts
And their cruel ways
Until I can't see them
Then I'll be okay

I want to fly
But not really die

I want happiness
Or at least to say I tried
Yet there was no tenderness
And so happiness died

People have rough edges that cut deep
Words that come out as daggers straight at your chest
Actions you would have never done to them but they do to you
It is tiresome
Blow after heavy blow
No breaks
Not until your back breaks
But mine is made of diamonds

I want to fly
And cry
And have a chance to have said goodbye

I learned not to take my own life
But losing the will to live can kill just as much as suicide
And I might not have too long on this Earth
We don't all make it to old age
A lesson learned
So I want to make the best of it
Even if it is terror disguised as paradise

I want to try
And then maybe I'll smile again
Instead of crying in bed missing them

My heart is failing
Its beats are  those of a broken clock
But for the first time in a long time
I'm not scared
I am not afraid of death anymore
I am afraid of life

As my lifelong dreams pass me by
Until I will no longer have any
Yet I refuse to die

I stay
Because of those of you who love me and treat me well
I wish them the best
I wish I had wings to visit the ones who have fallen
Or a portal to wherever they are
But I don't
And I'm depressed
So all I can do
I hope one day I'll fly
Soar high
And see all of you again

I have so much to tell you guys
See you when my heart goes out
Because death is the only thing we all have guaranteed
I'll face it with grace, with ease
Like an old friend taking me to see the rest

The world is a cruel place
I hope you found peace
My love is with you
May your soul be free
If I could make time rewind and freeze
I'd tell you I love you until the words have been repeated so much they no longer sound the same
You have left me with a hole filled with this knowledge
Always say I love you
Treat people and live your life
Like this is the last day

🤍

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