Pity the living- slytherin boys

It wasn't your fault

Mattheo's pov

I walk up to the astronomy tower to smoke.

It's 3 in the morning and I just came back from a meeting with my father.

He cursed Tom and I again for not completing our task, which we have no intention to complete.

I want to be alone. My whole body is shaking and my eyes are welled with tears I won't allow to come back.

"Shit." I say as I see Alice there, smoking. She turns around to look at me.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks.

No, I'm not bloody okay.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll leave, I just wanted to be alone." I turn back to the stairs, but she stops me.

"I know we're not exactly friends, and we don't get along at all, but you... can talk to me. I'm good at listening, and giving advice, if that's what you need."

I sigh. I think to myself for a few seconds before turning back around and walking to her. I stand beside her, leaning on the railings.

"It's my father." I state. She hands me a cigarette and I light it up.

"What happened with him?" She asks.

"He cursed me, and Tom. Crucio." I inhale the smoke. It's strange how I hate when my father hurts me while I choose to hurt myself everyday with toxic smoke.

"I'm... sorry. Why... why did he do that?" She pushes another question. I don't mind it, I wanted to talk to her about that earlier anyways.

"Because we didn't commit our 'task' yet. Which is you. We aren't going to, by the way. I was going to tell you earlier, but you kept cutting me off." I complain to her.

She hisses, "Yeah, sorry about that." She apologizes.

"It's fine." I reply, inhaling more smoke.

"And... I'm sorry that he does that to you. A parent isn't supposed to do that to their child. Actually, no one is supposed to do that to anybody." She continues speaking.

Hearing that breaks me a bit. It hurts when someone who is supposed to keep you safe does the polar opposite.

"It's fine." I say again.

"No, it's not fine. He isn't supposed to do that. And as much as I can hate you sometimes, as much as you hurt me and did horrible things to me, no one deserves that. You might think differently, but you don't deserve it." Her words are like a knife twisting in my stomach, and tears come up my eyes from the pain.

I chuckle, "As a child I used to think- I must deserve it," my voice slightly breaks, "otherwise I don't know why it would happen."

Her face fills with worry. Worry about me. I hurt her so much, why would she care? How can she care?

"You were a child, it wasn't your fault."

I try to hold back tears, but it becomes different with every second that passes.

"Mattheo, it's okay to cry if you feel like it." She pads my back.

I move away from her touch, "Why? So you could tell all of your Gryffindor friends that Mattheo Riddle cries?" I get upset. She doesn't care. She's laughing about me.

"Not at all! It's just- crying... is okay."

I look down, suddenly remembering something.
I snicker, "I had a conversation like this with your mother one time." I state. "You we're both prisoners of my fathers, and, I remember you were asleep. I was upset, because my father did that to me, and... I went down, to be alone in the dungeon. I used to really like going there. I forgot you were even there, but then I saw your mother, she was awake. She asked me what happened, I told her that our father said we can't cry, and I remember her exact reaction to that: 'that is because your father is unable of human emotions. You're a child, you can cry if you feel like it'." I chuckle.

"Did you listen to her?" She asks, smiling.

I laugh, "No. I was too damn terrified. But she's smart, your mother. I knew she was right at that very moment. I knew my father had no empathy, but I didn't listen." I shake my head. I regret it. That very moment I should have ran away. Alice's mother would have taken me with them.

"Yeah," she sighs with a soft, sad smile, "she was the smartest."

"I'm sorry." I look at her, I really am.

"About what?" She questions.

"About your mother. And, everything Tom and I did. I don't know what happened to me. It's like I was possessed by a demon." She deserves an apology.

"Your words mean nothing to me, Mattheo. But, the fact that you're going against your father's orders... that does. I forgive you. And... I'm sorry as well."
A slight smile crawls on my face. We might actually be in good terms now. We might actually stop fighting.

"I'm sorry we were so violent. It's just that... sometimes I feel like you have to fight fire with fire, you know?" I squint my eyes.

"Mattheo?" She states.

"Yes?" I reply.

"When you are born, when you grow up in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire, but it's not. And... if we'll always fight fire with fire, the world will go up on smoke. But, besides that, it's okay. I'm comfortable with violence."

I snicker, "When did you become so wise?" I ask.

"I always have been. You were just too busy noticing my faults."