Silly P03m B00k

im the problem i mean

I'm the problem I mean

When I say I'm the problem I mean
When I like someone I can only chase them as a crush but when it's finally my turn I push them away and brainwash myself into believing I'm toxic, and I brainwash myself into believing I actually have feelings for someone and I lead them on only to brutally ruin it in the end with a huge argument about how I'm fake and how I'm a bad person, because I'm selfish for love and that I'll never be satisfied with what I have and that I'd always be hungry for something more, always craving more, always craving pain and harshness, and how I'm never fully content with who I am but I'm too lazy and stubborn to put forth an effort to change anything, and when I'm hurt in any way I'll complain about it, but reject any kind of help because I feel like if I don't do anything then that gives me a feeling of control because I feel like I have no control in my life because I don't feel significant to anything or anyone, and I feel like if I wasn't here everyone else's life would be the exact same except anything to do with me is wiped from the timeline, and everyone would be better of,

so moral of the story is I know I'm a bad person and I really hate feeling like I'm a nobody but then I don't do anything about it but complain because deep down I know I can't do anything about it because the only control I have over anything is me.

And I know I say I'm a bad person but the only thing that makes me a bad person is how I don't see that I'm a good person, with a kind heart and many talents, but I refuse to see that above all else, and that's my problem, I'm the problem, all the help is provided for me, and I refuse to acknowledge it, I know it's there, I know they care, but I let myself suffer. Why? Why...

(Some of this stuff made it's way into "I'm")