Vogue | Tony Stark

NINETEEN - INSECURITIES

Tony Stark wasn't insecure. At least, that's the way it seemed to the world. His extroverted personality and unrivalled charisma helped build a reputation that proceeded him, one that many adored and many envied, too. He was confident and smooth, intelligent and powerful, a hero. What people didn't see, though, was the inside of his mind.

Tony never stopped thinking. Whether he was awake or asleep, his brain was constantly twisting and turning, sprinting at a hundred miles an hour about one thing or another, and a million other things all at once. He was uptight when he was alone and found it almost impossible to relax, unable to switch off his mind and unwind without hearing deafening noise coming from within.

He wasn't necessarily worrying or panicking all the time, he was just constantly thinking. His brain considered every single possibility and outcome of a situation, reflected on every single decision he'd ever made and ever would make, guessing about his future and about the end of time, the fate of the world and what role he would play in protecting it.

Somewhere in between all of that, Tony thought about Estélla. He woke up after a night of broken sleep and checked his phone, his social media being flooded with pictures of Esté from the night before. She and the girls had been photographed leaving a bar with Steven Tyler and heading into another club with him, a train of other rockstars also being seen entering the club that night, too.

The pictures had Tony gripped around the throat and for the next forty minutes, he fell down a rabbit hole of looking at photographs of Esté with famous musicians and actors, articles linked to more articles that never seemed to end, all of them talking about who she knew and who knew her.

Tony had hooked up with a long list of women, some famous, some not. What he'd never done, however, was hook up with anyone more famous than him. He and Estélla were both celebrities, though it started to become apparent that as similar as they were, their style of fame differed. Esté didn't need him for his status, she didn't want anything from him and he didn't hold any power over her, he didn't have anything to offer her that she didn't already have.

Estélla was enough on her own, in fact, she was more than enough. As Tony stared at the pictures of her from the night before with one of his favourite rockstars, the same inferior feeling he'd felt when he'd bumped into her at Tom Ford's Christmas party started to settle into his bones.

Was he enough for her? Could he give her what she wanted, could he offer her something new, something different? Tony's mind started whirring faster and the more he thought about the fact that for once in his life, he wasn't in a position of power, the more he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Tony snapped himself out of it and tossed his phone to the side, shaking his head before heading into the bathroom to take a shower. He had a slow morning and shared a conversation with Estélla over text. She'd proposed spending the rest of the weekend at her house in the Hamptons and he agreed, telling her that he'd meet her up there later on that Saturday afternoon after his meeting with Nick Fury.

It was one o'clock when Tony arrived at The Goldwyn's place. The sun was shining and the air was hot when he stepped out of his car, locking it and walking into the house.

He wandered through the hallways and to the kitchen at the back of the home, duffel bag slung over his shoulder. The French doors were all pulled open and Tony took a moment to stare out past the lawn all the way to the sand, eventually settling on the ocean. The sun was high in the sky, shimmering down onto the blue waves and a faint sound of music floated through from outside.

Tony walked out onto the patio and saw Esté laid on a sun lounger in a white bikini, a pair of silver aviators over her eyes as she relaxed with her arms above her head, fingertips dangling over the edge of the lounger as she sang along quietly to the music without a care in the world.