Regained Moments

Chapter 19

James watched Harry play with some toys Lily had given him by the fire in the common room. He was obviously the closest to the boy, his magic still not very stable, but as the full moon spent with Professor McGonagall had proven, he didn't need to be with James all the time. 

The response from St Mungo's was sat next to him on the table, but he was scared to open it. He had sent them a copy of Harry's drawing asking if it was possibly the ceremony, and if it was what their next move should be. Regardless of the answer James was worried; Harry wasn't the type to draw something like that when asked to draw something important. They liked fulfilling the brief after all. 

In the same vein, Harry wouldn't usually refuse to explain when he was asked to. Much less the terrified response McGonagall described, not that Harry showed any sign of it. 

"James, you need to open that letter soon." Sirius draped an arm around his unofficial brother's shoulders, and picking the letter up. "Want me to open it for you?" 

"No!" James snatched the letter, tracing the sides with his finger, still not able to open it. "Yes." 

Sirius took the letter back as James leaned forwards with his head in his hands, stressed. If this was something like exam results then Sirius would be amused, but he knew it was worse than that. He may not be a father, or ever intend to be, but he knew he would be stressed out of his mind if it was Regulus in Harry's place. 

"Want me to read it too?" Sirius offered, raising his wand, readying a spell that would block his words to most people. 

"No," James leaned back, looking at the ceiling they had all painted together as a house the year before, it was still surprising that Professor McGonagall had organised that for them. "But if you don't then I don't think I'll know what's in there. I need to know. Hit me."

"Dear Mr Potter, 

"Thank you for your letter, we are sure this isn't the answer you want, but we do believe this might be the instance that caused your child's unusual magic. We are currently analysing the drawing to figure out the exact ceremony that took place. 

"Please keep an eye on what is happening with Harry, and let us know. When their magic is stable, we would appreciate it if you could bring them back so we can do some more in depth checks without their magic being dangerous. 

"Kind Regards, 

"The hypermagia department, 

"St Mungo's." 

"Fuck," James' voice couldn't come out as anything louder than a whisper. "What am I supposed to do?" 

"It's not your fault, James. Harry is from the future, there's nothing you could have done to prevent it." Sirius couldn't claim he understood what James was going through, but he wasn't about to let him blame himself. 

"But we don't know the me of the future didn't allow this." James' voice sounded weak and watery as he covered his eyes with his arm. 

"James, if I know anything about you, it's that you would sooner die from the cruciatus curse than let anything like that to happen to any kid, let alone one you care about, let alone your own kid. You didn't let this happen. You were either forced to be unaware, or more likely you were already gone." It was hardly a brighter option, but it would be dishonest not to talk about it. 

"Still a shit parent." James muttered. 

"Oi, don't talk about my best mate like that." Sirius lightly punched James' arm. He knew what shit parents were like, James wasn't capable of that. 

"Fine." James didn't have the energy to argue, but nothing Sirius could say would quell the fire of guilt burning its way through him. 

Harry, his child, had had to experience pain he could never truly understand. It was a parent's job to prevent as much of that as possible, and most parents were able to prevent these things from happening. Harry was the first person James had ever met with this condition.