Help || Hwang Hyunjin

HYUNJIN (2)

Helloooo

I changed my profile picture to the pic above. Lmao. I thought it was more fitting. Hope you enjoy the chapter!

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English. The one subject I hated. I was okay with even math to a certain extent, but English was a no-no. Eunmi approached me near the park whilst I pondered the infinite possibilities that would line up once I failed English. I had to do well. Failure was not an option. 

"English," I whispered.

"Yeah?" Her sweet voice opened my floodgates.

"English is a pain in the ass, Eunmi. It sucks to be the one person who can't pick up the language."

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She agreed to tutor me. And only when that happened did I realise that I was a fool. I had just invited her to my place. To my "home". I looked around, but there was not much I could even look past when the four blue walls of my so-called room were each barely a meter away from my sleeping body. And my bathroom was a fucking oversized shower stall. I frustratedly kicked the blanket, not having the power to do anything beyond that. 

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"You are so full of surprises!" Eunmi exclaimed. Understandably, that was the first time I had thought that she was psychotic. At first, it was merely a joke. But when I looked past the thin layer that parted my vision and the sincerity that lay underneath her eyes, I was a hundred per cent sure that she had hit her head before entering.

"How can you be so excited about something like this?"

She casually ignored me, almost as if I was crazy for asking her such a question.

"What do you do here?" She pointed at my studio. Her eyes, once bright, were now shimmering with such eagerness and joy that it hurt me.

"It's my studio, my dance studio," I replied. What was I going to do with this girl? For the first time, I had this urge to hold her and make her twirl just to fall back into my arms. And the worst part was that I could not. She was right there, right before me, yet I held no power to make her more than whatever she was to me then. And where the sudden urge had come from? God knew. Time? Maybe. But beyond that, I was as flabbergasted as anyone who would have been if they were in such a scenario. 

So, I did what I could. I smiled. I smiled a hazy smile that probably showed the hearts in my eyes. A new kind of blindness flimsily fogged my eyes as I looked at the angel sent to me.

"This is just sublime," she concluded.

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That night, I sat with my back against the wall and stared at the blue blankness with wide eyes. So much had happened. I had confessed about everything that was bothering me, my dreams, my troubles... It was so strange. Why did I even do that? She didn't deserve to carry any of my baggage on her shoulder. After all, she had her world to deal with. 

An hour before, I had just put everything in the drain. I saw her eyes when she told me that I deserved better than my "house" and that it was okay to take help. I could practically see my past like some movie on a screen-her dark orbs. And I messed up things momentarily. I told her that I knew what I was doing, but that wasn't entirely the case. I knew where she was coming from, and the truth remained the same no matter how badly I hated it. My parents had left me to deal with myself, my screwed-up self. And I was only sixteen. It made all the sense in the world for people to help me. I said a silent prayer in my head to thank god for that situation not going too far. That topic had ended on a good note. 

Then there was Eunmi knocking the living lights out of me again. She had ruptured her oesophagus. She explained to me, once she was done with her little "incident" on the side of the road, how continuously purging had led to the acids from the stomach causing certain damage to the walls of her food pipe, and that this wasn't the first time it was happening, that it wasn't the first time she threw up not only food but that accompanied with blood. I felt proud for maintaining my demeanour in such a situation, but that wasn't the point. Eunmi's case wasn't getting any better and all I could do was speak.