A Better Life

Rest now, worry later

The moment Calum left, I sat upright, struggling to stay awake.

I don't know how I'm going to execute my plan, but I have to find something to keep me awake. I can't watch TV, because that would become background noise and I'd fall asleep. I can't listen to music, because that would hum me to sleep.

I get up from the bed, trying to ignore the pain shooting throughout my body.

I'm just to the door, when I hear some voices down the corridor and then my door open. The person stops in their tracks and blinks a few times, before probably realizing that I'm a patient, who should be in bed and not halfway out the door.

"What are you doing up?"

"I, uh... I wanted to find a nurse." I nod my head, kinda proud of myself for coming up with that. To tell the truth, I don't really know what I was going to do, I just wanted something to occupy my mind.

"Didn't Calum tell you there is a nurse's button?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." I awkwardly laugh, scratching the back of my head.

"Are you feeling okay? Is your head still sore?"

"What? Oh, no, yeah, I'm feeling much better. I think my head is fine as well?"

Probably not a good idea to tell your doctor that you forgot something as simple as the fact that there is a nurse's button, after having a concussion. Because here I am at 11pm, having a checkup and scans taken of my brain.

At least I have a reason to stay awake now, seeing as Luke won't let me close my eyes, until the scans come back.

"Why did you want a nurse?" Luke asks, busy writing something down on my file.

I almost want to tell him that I forgot, but that wouldn't really make this situation any better. "I wanted Tylenol." I go with my second option.

He looks down to my file and a frown forms between his brows. "It says here, Calum gave you Tylenol 2 hours ago. Are you still feeling pain?"

"A tiny bit, but maybe it's just more uncomfortable than pain." I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't want you to downplay the pain you're feeling, if you're feeling pain, it's okay. We just need to figure out what's going on, because you aren't really supposed to be in pain. This can kind of be an indication that there's something bigger wrong, something that we're missing."

He looks down at his watch. "I'll be back in a while, hopefully with your scans. A nurse will come and make sure that you stay awake, until I give you the clear to sleep."

I just nod my head, actually feeling quite drained, but knowing that I'm not allowed to sleep for Luke's and my sake.

The nurse wasn't really the nicest. She kept shaking me, even though my eyes were open, and I quote "Just to make sure you are not falling asleep on my watch." Why don't some people use contractions, it just sounds weird.

Later she resulted to keeping her hand on my arm, continuously shaking me, because she was too preoccupied with TikTok to actually make sure my eyes were open, smacking her gum loudly and letting out an obnoxious laugh every now and then.

When Luke finally arrives, I've never been happier to see a doctor. And I've never wanted to hug someone so tight and yell "thank you" over and over again, when he told her that she could be dismissed.

"Your scans are perfect. Sorry for keeping you awake for no reason at all." He laughs lightly.

"Nah, it's okay. It's your job, was there something wrong, we would've both been glad that you took all the necessary precautions." I assure him.

A few times during the night a nurse would come to take my blood pressure and every time I'd pretend to have been woken up. But I was sticking to my no sleeping and so far, so good.

Now, when everyone wakes up, I'm exhausted. I'm pretty sure the bags under my eyes can vouch for me.

"Good morning." I look to Luke as he enters, a bright smile in place. How can he be so friendly after working all night and when he still has an entire day of sick patients in front of him.

"Morning." I mumble.

"Didn't sleep good?" He asks, one eyebrow raised at my state.

"No, I did. I'm just still tired." I lie.

"Well, I guess it's normal. Your body has been through a lot of stress in the past few days, but tell me if you still feel like this tomorrow, because you should feel a bit more rested by then, okay?"

"Okay, thanks."

The day pretty much goes like the previous day; me trying to stay awake and Luke or a nurse checking up on me every few hours.

By nightfall, I don't know how I'm going to make it through another night without sleep, but I'm determined to do so and not give up.

The night consisted of me playing "I spy" by myself, telling myself simple jokes and trying to say the alphabet backwards.

And when dawn breaks, I'm hung over the toilet, puking my guts out. My ribs are screaming at me to stop hurling and gagging, but I don't really have control over that.

"Jany?"

Soon after I hear the voice, Calum enters my view. He dashes to my side, taking my hair out of my face and holding it for me, while rubbing a hand up and down my back.

"It's okay, let it all out." He soothes.

"It hurts so bad." I cry out, making him crouch next to me, still holding my hair.

"What hurts Jany?" He asks, concern evident in his voice.

I just shake my head, not feeling like giving voice to all the places I'm feeling pain in.

"Jany, you gotta be verbal with me. I can't help with the pain if you don't talk to me."

"Everything! My ribs, my throat, my head, my knee. Everything..." I trail off.

"Oww" I quickly lean forward, puking some more into the toilet.

Calum fidgets with his pager next to me and soon Ashton runs in.

"Can you get her some pain and anti-nausea medication?"

"Yeah, I got it."

After puking twice more, I finally feel done. I lean away from the toilet and Calum wipes my face and mouth with a wet rag, before pulling me into his chest. "Shh, you're okay."

"Here, let this one dissolve under our tongue." Ashton hands me a pill. After doing as told he hands me another pill with a glass of water, "and that's for the pain."

"Thank you."

"Let's get you up and into bed." Calum says, helping me stand up.

Once I'm situated against the pillows, Ashton takes a seat and Calum makes his way to the foot of the bed. He opens my file, scans his eyes through it and then tiredly rubs a hand down his face.

"Do you know why you threw up?" Calum asks me.

"No" I have an idea it's because I probably haven't been sleeping like I should, but I'm not telling him that.

"Have you been sleeping like I told you to?" Never mind, I don't have to tell him, seems like he's figured it out himself.

"Yes" I lie, trying to keep the guilt of my face.

"Alright, we'll be back shortly, just press the nurses' button if you need anything..." He nods for Ashton to follow him out, but turns back to me just before exiting the room "I presume you remember where the nurses' button is now?"

I nod my head, feeling the heat creeping up my cheeks.

"Try to sleep off some of the pain medicine, Jany".