fade into you |jordan li|

eight. i still hate you

Ari knocked on the dorm door, already regretting her decision. This wasn't like her. She wasn't someone to just show up at anothers door step, as vulnerable as she was. 

"What are you doing here?" Jordan asked, already in their male form, surprised at the sight of Ari standing at their door. They had a slight frown to their face like they were dissapointed to see her. 

"I didn't have anyone else to go to. My brother hates me, and Athena's with Marie." She held in her tears. 

   "What happened?" They looked slightly concerned, something that had changed a lot in the past few days. 

"I don't even know. I just need someone to take my mind off things." She came there looking for more alcohol but what she would leave with was so much more than just a drink. 

"How am I supposed to help you with that?" Their eyebrows furrowed with a deep look of confusion. 

   "We might argue a lot, but when we do I always seem to forget my problems." She spoke with a hint of shakiness to her voice, saying the very thing she was scared to say. 

   "So you want me to argue with you? Cause' that I can do." They laughed, though they knew she didn't need anyone to argue with now. She needed more than that, a distraction that was worthwile. 

  "No. I'm not saying us arguing helps, not completely. I'm trying to say you help. Somehow. You just take my mind off things, every single thought about the things happening right now goes away when i'm around you.." She admitted.

   "I want to know how."

   "It's weird. I just feel like we're a lot alike." She stepped closer.

"In what ways?" They grabbed their bottle of vodka, and two shot glasses, knowing she could use a drink.

"For one, the alcohol choice." She hinted towards the vodka.

"You mean you'd choose vodka over another drink?"

"I mean yea. It's gotten me through some tough times. Maybe too many tough times, thats why I was so reluctant at the club."

"Another shot then? We're not at the club anymore and you've already had a taste of it."

"Sure." She nodded, grabbing the bottle as she wanted to be the person that poured it this time.

"Didn't know you liked it like that. You were so opposed to alcohol before."

   "It's this week. I just want it over."

  "I do too. But hey what's our second similarity?"

"We're always alone." She said, almost in a faint whisper. "No matter how many people we're around. We could be in a crowded room and still feel alone."

Jordan ignored her comment, like they did a lot, A comment that they knew was true. That was the thing. It was so true they didn't want to think about it, because it meant they were still human, still weak. 

"Okay if I ask you something promise you won't make me feel like an absolute fool." She tried changing the subject, when she realized they weren't going to respond to her comment.

"No promises but okay." They agreed.

"That's probably all I'm going to get from you so I'll take it." She paused to take a deep breath in, preparing herself for the conversation to follow. "Have you ever felt like you weren't wanted? I mean- have you ever felt like no one cares, or that you're such a horrible person that you don't deserve to be cared about in the first place."