shawn mendes imagines

a sky full of stars

Shawn's POV

I picked up the pink roses and got in my truck. I went to my phone and played her favorite song, A Sky Full Of Stars. I imagined her sitting there, her feet up on the dashboard while she held my hand and sang her heart out with me.

"Cause in a sky, cause in a sky full of stars, I think I see you." I sang along with the lyrics. Who knew such a beautiful song could bring out the most of my emotions.

I drove down the road I've been going down for 2 years now. I turned on my windshield wipers as the rain picked up. I turned off my car and got her flowers before getting out. I walked through the mud and went to where I needed to be.

I got there and crouched down looking at the stone.

(y/f/n) (y/l/n)
(your birthday)- May 26th, 2019
Loving daughter, sister, and girlfriend.

"Hey, baby girl." I put the flowers down. "It's been two years since you left me. And I-I miss your beautiful face and voice." I paused wiping my eyes. "I'm sorry," I paused, "I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy enough."

I put my face in my hands as I sobbed hard. "(Y/n), I tell you this all the time but," I reached in my pocket for the velvet box.

"I got this ring to propose to you. I was going to propose that day. I got home, and I found my beautiful princess lifeless and pale on the cold tile of our bathroom." I was a mess now.

"When I think back to when you said your last "I love you" to me, I die a little bit inside, because i didn't know it was our last one. I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you in my arms." I wiped my tears with my shirt. "Baby girl, I miss you so fucking much."

"Your note you left, you told me to move on. But how can I move one when you are the only one I want," I paused, "need." I couldn't stop the tears that kept falling. "I-" I stopped to regain my breathing.

"I miss you. I miss your sweet hugs, kisses, and your beautiful voice. I miss when you made me drive out to Waffle House at 3 AM because you really wanted waffles."

"I miss seeing you in my c-clothes. I miss having you by my side. I-I just m-miss you, baby girl, so much." The rain kept falling just like my tears.

"I don't know if you remember, but I wrote A Little Too Much for you. I still sing it at my concerts. I can't sing it without thinking about you and having water flood my eyes." I bit my lip to keep it from trembling so much.

"They always said that heaven needed another angel, but what about me?"

"I needed you, why'd you have to go. I hate having to go home and sit quietly in our apartment. It's so hard sitting there in our room, staring at my guitar, trying to not imagine you strumming random chords. Or you rummaging through my closet."

"(y/n)!" I yelled out in pain and emotion. "(y/n), (y/n), (y/n). I miss you, I miss you, I miss you." I fell beside her resting place and didn't mind the mud. Nothing bothered me more than the thought of (y/n) not being here.

I finally got up and brushed myself off. I kissed her tomb stone before getting up. "I love you so fucking much, baby girl." I left as the tears kept streaming down my face.

I got into my truck. I put my head on the steering wheel, sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't hold it in anymore. After I was done, I turned on the engine.

Before leaving, I reached into the glove for the cartoon. I took it out, pulling the white stick out. I brought the thing that numbed the pain between my lips. I grabbed the lighter and lit the cigarette. I turned on A Sky Full Of Stars and headed home.

As the song came to an end the one line stuck with (y/n), "You're such a heavenly view."

***
this is sad